Life's Recipe
I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of Tequila.
DrinksLifePhilosophy+1
SARCASM JOKES
22 sarcasm dad jokes. You asked for it.
Self-Response
Don't you hate it when someone answers his own questions? I do.
Self-ReferenceIronySarcasm+1
Blood Mystery
I was going to donate blood today, but they always ask way too personal questions. Who's blood is this? Where did you get it?
DonationBloodQuestions+2
Meditative Advice
You should try meditation. It's at least better than sitting and doing nothing?
Mental HealthWellnessLifestyle+2
Solo Consultation
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
Self-DeprecatingIronySarcasm+2
Debate Clarification
I'm not arguing, I'm just telling you why you are wrong.
SarcasmCommunicationRelationships+2
Heart and Brain
Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along.
AdvicePhilosophySarcasm+2
Cosmic Cold Shoulder
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
SpaceAliensIntelligence+1
Laughter on the Sidewalk
Everything is funny, as long as itβs happening to somebody else!
IronyObservationalSarcasm
Errand Escapade
I'm at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out...
AgeLifestyleAdulting+2
Eternal Tease
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
MarriageRelationshipsSarcasm+2
Embracing Eternal Fatigue
Being 'tired' has stopped being just a temporary state for me. It's practically become part of my personality now.
SarcasmSleepPersonality
Everything's Fine for Now
The sun is going to go out in 4 billion years. And you sit there... acting like everything is fine!
Dark HumorSarcasmSpace+2
Round and Proud
I'm in shape... Round is shape, isn't it?
WordplaySelf-DeprecatingFitness+2
A Decade of Grumpiness
I'm not crazy. I've just been in a bad mood for the last ten years.
SarcasmFrustrationAttitude+1
Beyond Equality
Women who seek to be equal to men... lack ambition!
SarcasmEqualityGender+2
The Art of Apathy
Think I'm sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!
SarcasmAttitudeIndifference
A Mythical Brain Debate
I don't believe in myths like the one that states you have a brain.
MisleadingBrainSarcasm
Longevity Burden
If I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, I may live long enough to be a real burden to my loved ones. Please, pass me the wine.
FamilyDrinksIrony+2
Fungus Amungus
Ho! Look! Thereβs a fungus amungus!!
WordplayNatureSarcasm
Wife's Apology
My wife apologised to me the other day. She said she was sorry for ever marrying me.
MarriageRelationshipsWordplay+1
Lost Keys
Lost your keys? Why not try looking in the same two places repeatedly whilst getting increasingly angrier.
Life-StrugglesSarcasm