Parenting Jokes

13 parenting dad jokes. You asked for it.

Bloodline Diagnosis

Insanity is hereditary, you get it from your children.

InsanityChildrenFamily+1

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Worship Patterns

My teenage son treats me like a god. He acts like I don't exist until he wants something.

ParentingSonFamily

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Sibling Logistics

Please go play with your brother. That's basically why we had him.

FamilyKidsParenting

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Tuition By Combustion

There's nothing I've learned from being a father that I couldn't just as easily have figured out from setting all my money on fire.

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Romance Without The Romance

Having teenagers is just paying for a bunch of dates that you don't get to go on.

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Refrigerator Gallery

I'm afraid my kid will become a famous artist, and I'll have thrown away a fortune in their early work.

KidsArtParenting+1

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Two Words Outclassed

Her: "I'm pregnant!" Him: "You're kidding me."

MarriageParentingWife

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Slow Down, Kid

75% of time with your kids is gone by age 12. 90% by age 18. Be present and cherish these years... They go fast.

KidsParentingTime+2

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The Long Game

Treat your kids well! They'll be the ones picking your nursing home.

KidsParentingFamily+1

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Apple, Meet Different Tree

Your kid may be a genius, but you’re still a dummy.

KidsParentingFamily+1

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Best Decision Or Hostage Situation

People say having kids is the best thing in the world, but you only ever hear that from the victims.

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Free Family Planning Tip

Learn from your parent's mistakes. Use birth control.

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Two Roommates Forever

2 mysterious people live in my house. Somebody & Nobody. Somebody did it and Nobody knows who.

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