GROWING UP WITH LIMITED TUNES

I grew up so poor we could only listen to Simon or Garfunkel.

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My doctor asked if anyone in my family struggles with mental illness. I replied, 'Nope, we all seem to thrive on it!'

I liked beer so much that my family didn't know I drank until they saw me sober!

Your kid may be a genius, but you’re still a dummy.

If I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, I may live long enough to be a real burden to my loved ones. Please, pass me the wine.