SLOW DOWN, KID

75% of time with your kids is gone by age 12. 90% by age 18. Be present and cherish these years... They go fast.

Dad's Take

Put the phone face down at dinner. The years don't slow down for you, but the gravy will wait.

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Please go play with your brother. That's basically why we had him.

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There's nothing I've learned from being a father that I couldn't just as easily have figured out from setting all my money on fire.

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Treat your kids well! They'll be the ones picking your nursing home.

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Your kid may be a genius, but you’re still a dummy.

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People say having kids is the best thing in the world, but you only ever hear that from the victims.

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Learn from your parent's mistakes. Use birth control.

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