Time Jokes

35 time dad jokes. You asked for it.

Negatives And Positives

Are people born with photographic memories, or does it take time to develop?

Memory Brain Time

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Same Guy Slower Clock

They used to time me with a stopwatch. Now, they use a calendar.

Aging Slow Time+2

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Calendar Mischief

Can February march? No, but April may!

Calendar Time

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Already Bombed Tomorrow

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.

Time Future Past+1

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Wall Decor In Peril

I'm afraid for the calendar! Its days are numbered.

Calendar Time Kitchen+1

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Wristless And Free

I haven't owned a watch for I don't know how long.

Time Clock Wordplay

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Punctual Pest

What kind of bug tells time? A clock Roach

Clock Time

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Two For The Price

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like bananas.

Time Fruit

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Wheels Of Time

Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.

Cheese Age Aging+2

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Procrastinators Manifesto

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Procrastination Tomorrow Laziness+2

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Bigger Things Going On

I cannot afford to waste my time making money.

Money Time Work+1

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The Reset Button

Life always offers you a second chance. It's called TOMORROW.

Tomorrow Life Wisdom+1

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Right Past My Ear

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make when they fly by...

Work Procrastination Time+1

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Calendar Math

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Life Time Wisdom

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Look At You Now

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Worry Tomorrow Anxiety+1

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Time Is Plumbing

How long is one minute? It depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

Time Bathroom Perspective+1

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Mirror Has Opinions

Time may be a great healer but it’s also a lousy beautician.

Aging Time Mirror

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Cancel The Uber

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Time Travel Patience+1

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Tomorrow Sounds Better

A procrastinator's work is never done.

Procrastination Work Lazy+2

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Distance Makes The Plan

The farther away the future is, the better it looks.

Future Planning Optimism+2

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Pre Beard Era

"How old was I in 2007?", "Ah. 2007. I was young and full of dreams, not quite fossilized yet!"

Aging Memory Dreams+2

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The One-Way Trip

What goes up and never comes down? Your age!

Age Aging Birthday+1

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Slow Down, Kid

75% of time with your kids is gone by age 12. 90% by age 18. Be present and cherish these years... They go fast.

Kids Parenting Time+2

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Birthday Math Optional

How old would you feel if you didn’t know your age? Just a genuine question.

Age Aging Birthday+2

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