ALCOHOLIC EXPECTATIONS

Dear Alcohol, we had a deal—funnier, smarter, better dancer. I saw the video. We need to talk.

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I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of Tequila.

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Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

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What did the bartender say to his date? Alcohol you later?

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Every tattoo is temporary because we are all slowly dying.

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I'm at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out...

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Why did the ghost go to rehab? He was addicted to boos.

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