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Wife Jokes

16 wife dad jokes. You asked for it.

Wife Workout Plan

Wife Workout Plan

My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.

WifeFitnessMarriage
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Marital Hearing Report

Marital Hearing Report

My wife complains I don't listen… or something like that.

WifeMarriageListening+1
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Counting With Interest

Counting With Interest

Husband: For the last 28 years, all you've done is find mistakes in anything I say. Wife: 29 years…

MarriageHusbandWife+1
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Two Bad Bets

Two Bad Bets

Women marry hoping he'll change… Men marry believing she won't… Both are wrong!

MarriageHusbandWife
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Settled Long Ago

Settled Long Ago

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always!

MarriageWifeAnniversary+1
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Classified Information Wanted

Classified Information Wanted

I wish my wife was one of those secret agents who can't spill a word about their day at work!

WifeMarriageWork
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Holiday Math, Honey Edition

Holiday Math, Honey Edition

My wife set a limit of how much we can spend on each other for Christmas. It's $9.99 on me and $999 on her.

ChristmasWifeBudget+1
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Procedural Marital Combat

Procedural Marital Combat

My wife and I had a two-hour fight about whether or not we were fighting.

MarriageWifeArgument+1
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Joint Humor Account

Joint Humor Account

My wife and I share a sense of humor. We have to. She doesn't have one.

WifeMarriageComedy+1
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Mirror, Meet Match

Mirror, Meet Match

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised…

WifeMarriage
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Climate Control Issues

Climate Control Issues

My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she's hot. But honestly… I'm not a fan.

MarriageWife
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Calendar Has Other Ideas

Calendar Has Other Ideas

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She said: "Great, I booked it for Thursday."

WifeMarriageCalendar
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Margin of Error

Margin of Error

After many years, I finally got my wife to be on time. But there's one little problem: now she's ready exactly when we're supposed to arrive, not when we're supposed to leave!

WifeMarriageTime
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Apology With Footnotes

Apology With Footnotes

My wife apologized to me the other day. She said she was sorry for ever marrying me.

WifeMarriageApology+1
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Garage Innovation

Garage Innovation

My wife said I was nuts for building a car out of spaghetti… But you should've seen her face when I drove pasta!

CarPastaWife
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