Marriage Jokes

28 marriage dad jokes. You asked for it.

Lunge Forward

My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.

Marriage Fitness Wordplay+2

🙄0😂0

Wedding Costs

Dad, how much it costs to get married? No idea, I'm still paying.

Dad Family Marriage+2

🙄0😂0

Wardrobe Negotiations

My wife is always stealing my T-shirts and sweater… but if I take one of her dresses… suddenly… "we need to talk."

Marriage Clothing Gender+2

🙄0😂0

Survival Question

A place crashed in the jungle and every single person died. Who survived? Married couples.

Wordplay Dark Humor Travel+2

🙄0😂0

Marital Revelation

My wife and I were happy for 25 years… and then we met.

Marriage Relationships Irony+1

🙄0😂0

Pillow Talk Tactics

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

Marriage War Sleep+1

🙄0😂0

Eternal Tease

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Marriage Relationships Sarcasm+2

🙄0😂0

A Toasty Affair

Two slices of bread got married. The wedding was amazing, until someone decided to toast the bride and groom.

Wordplay Food Marriage+1

🙄0😂0

Correction Years

Husband: For the last 28 years, all you've done is find mistakes in anything I say. Wife: 29 years...

Wordplay Marriage Relationships+2

🙄0😂0

Stock Market Crash

A stock market crash is worse than a divorce. You lose half your money but your wife is still around.

Money Wordplay Marriage+2

🙄0😂0

Marriage Expectations

Women marry hoping he'll change... Men marry believing she won't... Both are wrong!!!

Wordplay Marriage Relationships+1

🙄0😂0

Miss Always Right

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always!

Wordplay Marriage Relationships

🙄0😂0

Winning the Argument

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after is the beginning of a new argument.

Relationships Gender Communication+2

🙄0😂0

Leading Cause Unveiled

What's the leading cause of divorce? Marriage.

Relationships Marriage Satire

🙄0😂0

The Cost of Clean Clothes

Wedding, an expensive way to get laundry done for free.

Marriage Household Money+1

🙄0😂0

Top Secret Tales

I wish my wife was one of those secret agents who can't spill a word about their day at work!

Marriage Work Secrets

🙄0😂0

Overnight Dedication

A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, 'Oh alright, I'll stay the night.'

Relationships Commitment Marriage+1

🙄0😂0

The Gift of Giving (and Receiving More)

My wife set a limit of how much we can spend on each other for Christmas. It's $100 on me and $500 on her.

Marriage Christmas Gift+2

🙄0😂0

The Secret to Better Tasting Dinners

Every wife should understand one thing: A dinner will taste better if she cooks it less frequently.

Food Relationships Marriage+1

🙄0😂0

Marriage vs. Smoking

Marriage and smoking are similar. You start because you want to and you continue because you have to.

Marriage Smoking Comparison+1

🙄0😂0

The Fight That Wasn't

My wife and I had a two-hour fight about whether or not we were fighting.

Relationships Miscommunication Marriage+1

🙄0😂0

One-Sided Comedy Routine

My wife and I share a sense of humor. We have to. She doesn't have one.

Marriage Relationships

🙄0😂0

Commitment Issues

RSVP: Yes? No? Yes now, later no?

Wordplay Relationships Commitment+1

🙄0😂0

The True Meaning of Happiness

I never understood the true meaning of happiness until I got married... But by then, it was already too late.

Marriage Happiness Irony+1

🙄0😂0