Calendar Jokes

15 calendar dad jokes. You asked for it.

Same Guy Slower Clock

They used to time me with a stopwatch. Now, they use a calendar.

AgingCalendarTime

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Calendar Mischief

Can February march? No, but April may!

Calendar

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Wall Decor in Peril

I'm afraid for the calendar! Its days are numbered.

CalendarTimeWall

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Suspicious by Default

Today is April Fools' Day. Believe nothing and trust no one… just like any other day.

TrustCalendar

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Procrastinators Manifesto

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

ProcrastinationTomorrowCalendar+1

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Number on the Cake

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

AgingBirthdayCalendar+1

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Consistency Is a Virtue

I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's 5 years in a row now.

GymFitnessProcrastination+1

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Royal Sleeping Arrangements

I sleep in a castle every two weeks. It's my fort night.

SleepCalendar

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Sunday Night Math

The first five days after the weekend are the hardest.

WeekendMondayWeek+1

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Calendar Loopholes

I only drink on days beginning with 'T' - Tuesday, Thursday, Today, and Tomorrow.

CalendarDrinking

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Save the Date, Allegedly

I'm organizing a meeting for clairvoyants. I trust you already know when, where, and at what time!

Calendar

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Halfway to Nowhere

It's been a long week. - Me, in the middle of Tuesday.

WeekWorkCalendar

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Calendar Upgrade

Upgrade your weekend, take Monday off…

WeekendMondayCalendar+1

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Calendar Has Other Ideas

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She said: "Great, I booked it for Thursday."

WifeMarriageCalendar

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Unlucky Calendar Entry

What's way worse than Friday the 13th? Monday the whatever.

MondayCalendar

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