Work Jokes

72 work dad jokes. You asked for it.

Wired The Wrong Way

People are shocked at how bad I am as an electrician.

Work Job

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Ancient Wisdom Updated

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Fishing Beer Wisdom+1

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Standard Operating Procedure

To err is human and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

Computer Blame Mistakes+2

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Breakfast Plate Economics

Ham & Eggs, a day's work for a chicken and a lifetime commitment for a pig.

Breakfast Chicken Pig+2

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Cramped Genius

Claustrophobic people are more productive when they are thinking out of the box.

Work Thinking Ideas

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Spotless Means Trouble

A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.

House Computer Procrastination+1

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Office Supply Slander

Blunt pencils are really pointless.

Office Work

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Always One More Increment

The definition of a perfectionist is someone who wants to go from point A to point A+.

Work Ambition Mindset

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Reverse Engineering Stanzas

A backward poet writes inverse.

Writing Words Work

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Read The Room

Don't think of me as a boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.

Boss Work Job+2

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Commuter Carp

A fish may love water, but it still needs a bicycle to ride to work.

Fish Bicycle Work+2

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Bigger Things Going On

I cannot afford to waste my time making money.

Money Time Work+1

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Management By Recliner

Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do what you want done because he wants to do it.

Leadership Management Work+1

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Say Yes First

When you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, ‘Certainly I can!’ Then get busy and find out how to do it.

Job Work Career+2

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The Secret Ratio

Confidence is 10% hard work and 90% delusion.

Confidence Work Success

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The Whole Trick

Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it.

Work Career Advice+1

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Right Past My Ear

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make when they fly by...

Work Procrastination Time+1

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Found Your Calling

Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.

Work Ambition Laziness

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The Top Number Lies

It's called gross pay because it's disgusting to see how much money you would have made before taxes.

Taxes Money Work+1

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Dairy Discipline

Producing concentrated milk requires real focus!

Dairy Work

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Convenient Biology

I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.

Sick Weekend Work

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Leadership Position

A bossy man walked into a bar. Then ordered everyone a round.

Bar Boss Drinks+2

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Definitional Loophole

I'm retired in the sense that I was tired yesterday and I am tired again today.

Retirement Tired Work+2

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Loyalty by Ultimatum

How long have I been working for this company? Ever since they threatened to fire me...

Work Job Career

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