TIPSY CONFIDENTIAL

Nobody works harder than a drunk person trying to carefully whisper a secret.

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I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.

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I didn't say it was your fault, I just said I was blaming you.

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Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.

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It's not how good your work is, it's how well you explain it.

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I wish my wife was one of those secret agents who can't spill a word about their day at work!

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There are drunk bikers, there are old bikers. But... there are no old, drunk bikers!

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