Drinking Jokes

16 drinking dad jokes. You asked for it.

Garnish Philosophy

I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.

LemonDrinking

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Ride Home Arranged

What do you call a guy who's had too much to drink? A cab.

Drinking

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Avian Happy Hour

Before the crowbar was invented, crows simply drank at home.

BarDrinkingBird

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Calendar Loopholes

I only drink on days beginning with 'T' - Tuesday, Thursday, Today, and Tomorrow.

CalendarDrinking

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Cheers to Whatever

If alcohol damages your short-term memory… Short-term memory. Just imagine what alcohol can do.

AlcoholMemoryDrinking+1

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Odds on the Open Road

There are drunk bikers, there are old bikers. But… there are no old, drunk bikers!

DrinkingAge

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Indoor Voice, Failing

Nobody works harder than a drunk person trying to carefully whisper a secret.

SecretPartyDrinking

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Amber Diet Plan

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.

DietDrinkingWeekend

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Ask the Cashier

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

DrivingDrinking

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League Night Priorities

My drinking team has a bowling problem.

Drinking

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A Quiet Reveal

I liked beer so much that my family didn't know I drank until they saw me sober!

BeerDrinkingFamily

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Two Stools One Diagnosis

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

BartenderDrinking

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Lighting Director's Choice

I'm pretty sober, but I'm prettier drunk.

DrinkingMirrorParty

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Definitions May Vary

"Clean and sober" simply means I've showered and I'm headed to the pub.

Drinking

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Resolution Failure

What happened to the man who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year? He gave up thinking!

DrinkingThinking

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Pavement Patron

A guy walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm. I'll have a pint, and one for the road!

BarRoadDrinking

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