MEMORIES OF A WANDERING MIND

Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.

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There's nothing I've learned from being a father that I couldn't just as easily have figured out from setting all my money on fire.

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The toughest thing about being human? Realizing you have no 'Ctrl+Z' for life's mistakes

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I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of Tequila.

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An amnesiac walks into a bar. "So do I come here often?"

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CAPS LOCK, preventing login since 1980.

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I went to see the doctor about short-term memory problems. The first thing he did was to make me pay in advance.

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