Aging Jokes

39 aging dad jokes. You asked for it.

Same Guy Slower Clock

They used to time me with a stopwatch. Now, they use a calendar.

AgingSlowTime+2

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Selectively Remembered

The best thing about good old days is that we were neither good nor old.

NostalgiaMemoryAging+2

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Wheels Of Time

Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.

CheeseAgeAging+2

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Sleeping Like A Saint

A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.

MemoryWisdomAging

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Winging It

I don’t know how to act my age because I’ve never been this old before.

AgeAgingOld+2

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Recliner Philosophy Hour

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

AgeAgingWisdom+2

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Big Night Hardware Store

I'm at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out...

AgingRelatable

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Grandma Went Long

At 61, Grandma started walking five miles a day to stay fit. Now she is 97! And we have no clue where she is...

FitnessFamilyAging

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Mirror Has Opinions

Time may be a great healer but it’s also a lousy beautician.

AgingTimeMirror

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Back In My Day

When I was a kid, everybody that played golf was an old man.

AgingSportsNostalgia

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Compliment With Asterisks

I like you. You remind me when I was young and stupid.

YouthWisdomRoast+2

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Senior Discount On Crime

Don't mess with old people. Life sentences don't scare them anymore...

Aging

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New Default Setting

Being 'tired' has stopped being just a temporary state for me. It's practically become part of my personality now.

TiredAgingLawn

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Bright Side Only

Alzheimer's can't be that bad, you get to meet new people every day.

OptimismMemoryAging

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Mandatory Birthday Safety Briefing

The older you get, the more you need to keep a fire extinguisher close to the cake.

BirthdayCandlesAging

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Decade Of Disposition

I'm not crazy. I've just been in a bad mood for the last ten years.

MoodAttitudeAging+1

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Ask My Knees

Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.

MemoryAgingLife+1

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Pre Beard Era

"How old was I in 2007?", "Ah. 2007. I was young and full of dreams, not quite fossilized yet!"

AgingMemoryDreams+2

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The One-Way Trip

What goes up and never comes down? Your age!

AgeAgingBirthday+1

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The Fine Print

I always feel relieved when my doctor says something is normal for my age. But then I remember that someday dying will also be normal for my age.

DoctorAgeAging+2

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Memory Real Estate

You'd think the brain area that remembered phone numbers would now handle passwords! But... nope!

MemoryPasswordsBrain+2

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The Kitchen Mystery

Why did I walk into the kitchen again? Oh right, I need to forget. I need to forget seven times to remember once!

MemoryKitchenAging+1

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Eternal Youth Hack

Regular naps prevent old age. Especially if you take them while driving.

SleepDrivingAging+1

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Audiobook Romance

I avoid dating older women. Their life stories take too long to hear.

DatingAgingRelationships+1

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