Family Jokes

39 family dad jokes. You asked for it.

The Sobering Truth

I liked beer so much that my family didn't know I drank until they saw me sober!

Drinks Family Secrets+2

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The Fear of Future Fame

I'm afraid my kid will become a famous artist, and I'll have thrown away a fortune in their early work.

Family Art Fear+1

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Make Every Second Count

75% of time with your kids is gone by age 12. 90% by age 18. Be present and cherish these years... They go fast.

Family Parenting Time+2

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Be Kind to Your Kids

Treat your kids well! They'll be the ones picking your nursing home.

Family Parenting Relationships+1

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Parenting Reality Check

Your kid may be a genius, but you’re still a dummy.

Family Parenting Genius+1

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Parenting Victims

People say having kids is the best thing in the world, but you only ever hear that from the victims.

Parenting Sarcasm Wordplay+1

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Home Sweet Home (127.0.0.1)

Welcome to 127.0.0.1

Technology Wordplay Family

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1% Remote Master

To be in the 1%, you gotta do what the 99% don't... like hide the remote!

Wordplay Sarcasm Lifestyle+1

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Longevity Burden

If I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, I may live long enough to be a real burden to my loved ones. Please, pass me the wine.

Family Drinks Irony+2

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Preventative Parenting

Learn from your parent's mistakes. Use birth control.

Parenting Wordplay Sarcasm+1

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Dad's Intelligence

Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from? Must've come from your mom. I've still got mine.

Dad Intelligence Wordplay+2

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Opposite Parents

My parents were total opposites... Mum was always right, and Dad just left.

Family Parenting Wordplay

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Professional Dad

I am a professional Dad. I come from a long line of Dads.

Wordplay Family

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Yard Difference

What's the difference between one yard and two yards? A fence!

Wordplay Family Measurement

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Somebody & Nobody

2 mysterious people live in my house. Somebody & Nobody. Somebody did it and Nobody knows who.

Wordplay Family

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