Money Jokes

44 money dad jokes. You asked for it.

Failed Math Profit

If I got 50 cents for every failed math exams, I'd have $6.30 now.

MathFailureMoney

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Optimistic Loan

Always borrow money from a pessimist. They'll never expect it back.

MoneyPessimismExpectations+1

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Wedding Costs

Dad, how much it costs to get married? No idea, I'm still paying.

DadFamilyMarriage+2

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Banking Boredom

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

MoneyWordplayWork

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Sense Shortage

Breaking news: there's a global coin shortage! We're all running low on common "cents"!

WordplayMoneyNews+1

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Prepaid Doctor

I went to see the doctor about short-term memory problems. The first thing he did was to make me pay in advance.

HealthNostalgiaMoney

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Tax Paradox

Fines are a tax you pay for doing something wrong; taxes are a fine you pay for doing something right.

SatireMoneyPolitics+2

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Battery Economics

How much did the man sell his dead batteries for? Nothing, they are free of charge!

WordplayElectronicsMoney+2

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Time Wealth

I cannot afford to waste my time making money.

IronyMoneyWork+2

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Onion Wallet

My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.

MoneySatireWordplay+2

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Gambling Tax

Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.

TaxesMathSatire+1

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Gross Pay

It's called gross pay because it's disgusting to see how much money you would have made before taxes.

WordplayMoneyEmployment+1

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Stock Market Crash

A stock market crash is worse than a divorce. You lose half your money but your wife is still around.

MoneyWordplayMarriage+2

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The Ultimate Heist

Give a man a gun and he will rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he will rob everyone.

CrimeMoneySociety

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The Key to Happiness

People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made.

MoneyHappinessLife

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Priceless Parenting

There's nothing I've learned from being a father that I couldn't just as easily have figured out from setting all my money on fire.

ParentingMoneyLife+2

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Paying for Teen Dates

Having teenagers is just paying for a bunch of dates that you don't get to go on.

ParentingTeenagersRelationships+2

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The $19.95 Scam Lesson

So many scams on the internet... but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them!!!

TechnologyMoneyWarning+1

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The Cost of Pi

"What is the value of pi?", "Depending on what pie. Usually 12.99$."

MathFoodMoney+2

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The Cost of Clean Clothes

Wedding, an expensive way to get laundry done for free.

MarriageHouseholdMoney+1

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Happiness Experiment

All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.

SatireMoneyHappiness+2

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Grandma's Dollar

If I had a dollar for every woman who called me handsome... I'd have 1 dollar. Thanks, Grandma!

FamilyMoneyAppearance+1

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The Gift of Giving (and Receiving More)

My wife set a limit of how much we can spend on each other for Christmas. It's $100 on me and $500 on her.

MarriageChristmasGift+2

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The Value of a Good Laugh

The real rich is the one who can enjoy the cheapest things like a good laugh...or a penny!

MoneyHappinessLaughter+1

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