Money Jokes

73 money dad jokes. You asked for it.

Beach Bum Charity

Why don't crabs give to charity? Because they're shell-fish.

MoneyBeachOcean

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Tuition Well Spent

If I got 50 cents for every failed math exams, I'd have $6.30 now.

MathSchoolMoney

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Loophole In Human Nature

Always borrow money from a pessimist. They'll never expect it back.

MoneyFinanceAttitude

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Faith Has No Margins

Atheism is a Non Prophet Organization.

ReligionBusinessMoney

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Silicon Confidence

Computers make very very fast, very accurate mistakes.

ComputersTechnologyMistakes+2

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North Pole Financing

How much Santa paid for his sleigh? Nothing, it was on the house.

ChristmasMoneyGift

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Open Tab Forever

Dad, how much it costs to get married? No idea, I'm still paying.

MarriageMoneyWedding+2

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Quit Before They Knew

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

MoneyFinanceCareer+1

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Pocket Change Apocalypse

Breaking news: there's a global coin shortage! We're all running low on common "cents"!

MoneyEconomy

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Solo Inventor Problem

What was a more useful invention than the first telephone? The second telephone.

InventionCommunicationHistory+1

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Office Visit, Cash Up Front

I went to see the doctor about short-term memory problems. The first thing he did was to make me pay in advance.

DoctorMemoryMoney

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A Floating Bargain

I bought a boat because it was for sail.

ShoppingMoneyPun

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Fiscal Catch Twenty Two

Fines are a tax you pay for doing something wrong; taxes are a fine you pay for doing something right.

TaxesMoneyGovernment+2

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Inventory Liquidation

How much did the man sell his dead batteries for? Nothing, they are free of charge!

MoneyBusiness

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Bigger Things Going On

I cannot afford to waste my time making money.

MoneyTimeWork+1

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Layered Heartbreak

My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.

MoneyExpensive

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The Hopeful Investor

Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.

MathMoneyFinance

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The Whole Trick

Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it.

WorkCareerAdvice+1

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Entrepreneur Of The Year

I tried to start a stationary business. Unfortunately, it just didn't go anywhere.

BusinessMoneyCareer

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The Top Number Lies

It's called gross pay because it's disgusting to see how much money you would have made before taxes.

TaxesMoneyWork+1

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Diversify, Genius

A stock market crash is worse than a divorce. You lose half your money but your wife is still around.

MoneyFinanceDivorce

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Confidence In Quitting

I bet you I could stop gambling.

MoneyFinance

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Receipts Required

I may love to shop but I'm not buying your bullshit!

ShoppingMoneySales

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The Beautiful Loop

I work to buy a car to go to work.

WorkCarMoney+2

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