Finance Jokes

16 finance dad jokes. You asked for it.

Loophole In Human Nature

Always borrow money from a pessimist. They'll never expect it back.

Money Finance Attitude

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Open Tab Forever

Dad, how much it costs to get married? No idea, I'm still paying.

Marriage Money Wedding+2

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Quit Before They Knew

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Money Finance Career+1

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Fiscal Catch Twenty Two

Fines are a tax you pay for doing something wrong; taxes are a fine you pay for doing something right.

Taxes Money Government+2

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The Hopeful Investor

Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.

Math Money Finance

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The Top Number Lies

It's called gross pay because it's disgusting to see how much money you would have made before taxes.

Taxes Money Work+1

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Diversify, Genius

A stock market crash is worse than a divorce. You lose half your money but your wife is still around.

Money Finance Divorce

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Confidence In Quitting

I bet you I could stop gambling.

Money Finance

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Locksmith Logic

People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made.

Money Happiness Wealth+2

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The Retirement Plan

I have enough money to last the rest of my life... as long as I don't buy and eat anything.

Money Budget Retirement+1

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Loan Officer Logic

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Money Finance Irony

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Tight Budget Window

I have all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4:00 p.m. today

Money Retirement Finance+2

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Wrong Math, Friend

The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income.

Retirement Money Work+1

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Foolproof Finance Strategy

I figured out how to make a million dollars on the stock market. Invest 2 million.

Money Finance Wealth

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The Wallet Paradox

Money isn't everything but everything needs money

Money Wealth Finance+2

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Welcome To The Plan

Taxes are basically like paying an annual subscription fee to live in your country while childhood is the free trial.

Taxes Money Childhood+1

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