Health Jokes

19 health dad jokes. You asked for it.

Produce Aisle Wisdom

Is it true an apple a day keeps the doctor away? Or is it just an old Granny's myth?

Doctor Health Fruit

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Backyard Medicine

Smoking will kill you... Bacon will kill you… But… Smoking bacon will cure you!

Grill Health

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Bugs Bunny Was Right

How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?

Vegetables Health

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Diagnosing The Family

Can you die from constipation? I'm a little worried about how full of shit you are…

Insult Family Health+1

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Tropical Waiting Room

The banana went to see the doctor because she was not peeling well.

Doctor Fruit Health+1

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Dental Plan B

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick!

Teeth Dentist Health

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Philosophy Hour

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Health Mortality Philosophy+2

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Grill Master Disclaimer

Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

Food Health Cooking+1

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Lying Bathroom Floor

You know you're fat when you step on the scale it says 'One at a time please'

Weight Selfdeprecating Health

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Family Checkup

My doctor asked if anyone in my family struggles with mental illness. I replied, 'Nope, we all seem to thrive on it!'

Family Doctor Mental+1

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The Fine Print

I always feel relieved when my doctor says something is normal for my age. But then I remember that someday dying will also be normal for my age.

Doctor Age Aging+2

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Math Checks Out

A healthy sleep not only makes your life longer, but also shortens your workday.

Sleep Work Career+2

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Eternal Youth Hack

Regular naps prevent old age. Especially if you take them while driving.

Sleep Driving Aging+1

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Generous Donor

I plan to donate my liver to an alcoholic so I’ll know it’s a match.

Alcohol Drinking Health

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Bedside Manner Needs Work

You're in excellent health. You'll live to be 90. But, Doctor, I am 90! That's it then...

Doctor Health Aging+1

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Friday Special

I went to the doctor, and he said I'd need to take a pill every day for the rest of my life. But he only gave me 4 pills???

Doctor Health

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Trespassers Inbound

I can’t believe viruses and bacteria just sneak in my body without asking. That makes me sick!

Sick Health Body

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Chairside Comedy Hour

What time is the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty!

Dentist Teeth Appointment+2

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Second Opinion Denied

Doctor, I have a problem with my left ear. Are you sure? Yes, I am definite!

Doctor Hearing Appointment+1

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