Marriage Jokes

48 marriage dad jokes. You asked for it.

Wife Workout Plan

My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.

WifeExerciseFitness+1

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Selective Hearing Hall Of Fame

My wife complains I don't listen… or something like that.

WifeMarriageListening+2

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Last Call Logistics

What do you call a guy who's have too much to drink? A cab.

DrinkingWeddingAlcohol+1

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Open Tab Forever

Dad, how much it costs to get married? No idea, I'm still paying.

MarriageMoneyWedding+2

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Closet Diplomacy

My wife is always stealing my T-shirts and sweater… but if I take one of her dresses… suddenly… "we need to talk."

WifeMarriageClothes

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Architectural Rendezvous

What did one wall say to the other? I'll meet you at the corner.

MarriagePunctuality

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Lone Wolf Loses Again

A place crashed in the jungle and every single person died. Who survived? Married couples.

MarriageRelationships

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Two Lovely Decades Apiece

My wife and I were happy for 25 years… and then we met.

MarriageWifeRelationship+1

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Confidant Of The Year

Your secret is safe with me… I wasn't even listening.

GossipMarriageWife+1

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Domestic Diplomacy

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

MarriageWifeLove+1

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A Love Story In Degrees

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

MarriageWifeLove+2

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Reception Caught Fire

Two slices of bread got married. The wedding was amazing, until someone decided to toast the bride and groom.

WeddingMarriageFood

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Counting With Interest

Husband: For the last 28 years, all you've done is find mistakes in anything I say. Wife: 29 years...

MarriageWifeHusband+2

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Terms And Conditions

How is arguing with a woman like reading a software license agreement? In the end you ignore it all and click 'I agree'.

MarriageWifeArgument

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Married, Out Of Sync

You can't get on the same page if you don't read the same book.

CommunicationRelationshipsReading+2

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Conversational Asymmetry

Funny how they say we need to talk... when they really mean you need to listen.

CommunicationRelationshipMarriage

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Marketing Yourself Up

No woman ever falls in love with a man unless she has a better opinion of him than he deserves.

LoveMarriageWomen+2

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Acoustic Engineering Question

If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear it... is he still wrong?

MarriageWifeArgument+1

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Two Bad Bets

Women marry hoping he'll change... Men marry believing she won't... Both are wrong!!!

MarriageWifeHusband+1

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Settled Long Ago

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always!

MarriageWifeArguments+2

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Rule One Of Engagement

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after is the beginning of a new argument.

ArgumentMarriageRelationship+2

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Root Cause Analysis

What's the leading cause of divorce? Marriage.

DivorceMarriageRelationships+1

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Wedding Toast Edition

Love one another! If it doesn't work, just interchange the last two words.

LoveMarriageRelationship+2

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Reception With Benefits

Wedding, an expensive way to get laundry done for free.

WeddingMarriageMoney+1

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