Wife Jokes

34 wife dad jokes. You asked for it.

Wife Workout Plan

My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.

Wife Exercise Fitness+1

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Selective Hearing Hall Of Fame

My wife complains I don't listen… or something like that.

Wife Marriage Listening+2

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Open Tab Forever

Dad, how much it costs to get married? No idea, I'm still paying.

Marriage Money Wedding+2

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Closet Diplomacy

My wife is always stealing my T-shirts and sweater… but if I take one of her dresses… suddenly… "we need to talk."

Wife Marriage Clothes

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Two Lovely Decades Apiece

My wife and I were happy for 25 years… and then we met.

Marriage Wife Relationship+1

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Confidant Of The Year

Your secret is safe with me… I wasn't even listening.

Gossip Marriage Wife+1

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Calendar Misread Tragedy

Guess what? It's hearing awareness month. Wow earring awareness month, time to shop!

Hearing Awareness Shopping+1

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Domestic Diplomacy

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

Marriage Wife Love+1

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A Love Story In Degrees

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Marriage Wife Love+2

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Counting With Interest

Husband: For the last 28 years, all you've done is find mistakes in anything I say. Wife: 29 years...

Marriage Wife Husband+2

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Terms And Conditions

How is arguing with a woman like reading a software license agreement? In the end you ignore it all and click 'I agree'.

Marriage Wife Argument

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Acoustic Engineering Question

If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear it... is he still wrong?

Marriage Wife Argument+1

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Two Bad Bets

Women marry hoping he'll change... Men marry believing she won't... Both are wrong!!!

Marriage Wife Husband+1

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Settled Long Ago

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always!

Marriage Wife Arguments+2

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Rule One Of Engagement

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after is the beginning of a new argument.

Argument Marriage Relationship+2

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Classified Information Wanted

I wish my wife was one of those secret agents who can't spill a word about their day at work!

Wife Marriage Talking+1

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Holiday Math, Honey Edition

My wife set a limit of how much we can spend on each other for Christmas. It's $100 on me and $500 on her.

Christmas Wife Budget+2

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Translation Services

The best thing about women is how they can tell you what you really meant to say.

Women Wife Marriage+2

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Husband Of The Year

Every wife should understand one thing: A dinner will taste better if she cooks it less frequently.

Wife Cooking Marriage+1

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Procedural Marital Combat

My wife and I had a two-hour fight about whether or not we were fighting.

Marriage Wife Fight+2

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Two Word Warning

Never trust a woman that says 'It's fine.'

Wife Marriage Relationships+1

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Two-Person Comedy Act

My wife and I share a sense of humor. We have to. She doesn't have one.

Wife Marriage Humor+2

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Two Words Outclassed

Her: "I'm pregnant!" Him: "You're kidding me."

Marriage Parenting Wife

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Mirror, Meet Match

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised…

Wife Marriage

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