Self-Response
Don't you hate it when someone answers his own questions? I do.
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Communication Jokes
39 communication dad jokes. You asked for it.
Selective Hearing
My wife complains I don't listen⦠or something like that.
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Telephonic Progress
What was a more useful invention than the first telephone? The second telephone.
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Secret Sharing
Your secret is safe with me⦠I wasn't even listening.
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Morse Apology
What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes? A re-morse code.
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Solo Consultation
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
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Debate Clarification
I'm not arguing, I'm just telling you why you are wrong.
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Punbelievable Outcome
I once submitted puns to a pun contest hoping one to win. Sadly no pun in ten did.
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Agreement Strategy
How is arguing with a woman like reading a software license agreement? In the end you ignore it all and click 'I agree'.
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Reading Disconnect
You can't get on the same page if you don't read the same book.
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Blame Game
I didn't say it was your fault, I just said I was blaming you.
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Communication Issues
Funny how they say we need to talk... when they really mean you need to listen.
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Young and Stupid
I like you. You remind me when I was young and stupid.
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Love and Opinions
No woman ever falls in love with a man unless she has a better opinion of him than he deserves.
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Anything You Say Will Be Misquoted
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
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Winning the Argument
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after is the beginning of a new argument.
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Speak Wisely or Stay Silent
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
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The Power of Explanation
It's not how good your work is, it's how well you explain it.
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Expressing Love with Sandwiches
Did I say feelings? I meant... uhhh... sandwiches. I have sandwiches for you.
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Navigating English: Tough but Thorough
English is weird. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
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The Real Meaning
The best thing about women is how they can tell you what you really meant to say.
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A Game Men Can't Win
No man has ever won a game of "Notice anything different about me?"
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