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Late Edition

Topic

Money & Shopping

Bargains, bills and discount dad energy.

24 jokes

I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. All it was doing was gathering dust.

Garage Sale Confidential

Oct 3, 2026

Money can't buy happiness, but it can definitely help you hunt for it faster… in a shiny new convertible!

Hunting for Happiness

Sep 17, 2026

Having teenagers is just paying for a bunch of dates that you don't get to go on.

The Teenager Budget

Sep 10, 2026

If I had a dollar for every woman who called me handsome… I'd have 1 dollar. Thanks, Grandma!

The Family Discount

Aug 6, 2026

How would a drummer be paid if he started selling pillows? Per cushion.

Soft Career Pivot

Aug 3, 2026

If there was someone selling drugs in this place, weed know.

Neighborhood Watch Activated

Aug 2, 2026

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Loan Officer Logic

Jul 30, 2026

Preorder now! I have nothing for sale… yet. But it's always good to preorder.

Business Plan Pending

Jul 28, 2026

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Humble Beginnings

Jul 21, 2026

I don't usually brag about my expensive trips… but I just got home from the grocery store!

Big Spender Update

Jul 16, 2026

All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.

Just Give Me a Shot

Jun 27, 2026

What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.

The Wheel Difference

Jun 22, 2026

I just want to be rich enough to threaten to cut people out of my will.

Estate Planning Goals

Jun 11, 2026

I dated a zombie once. When we broke up, she fell apart.

Reanimated Romance

Jun 6, 2026

I figured out how to make a million dollars on the stock market. Invest 2 million.

Foolproof Finance Strategy

May 17, 2026

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Banker Hangs It Up

Apr 27, 2026

I'm at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out…

Big Night Hardware Store

Apr 18, 2026

A priest, an imam and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. The rabbit says: I think I might be a Type-O.

Bunny Walks Into Setup

Apr 11, 2026

I got lost in your eyes. But I also get lost in department stores, so I wouldn't read too much into it.

Smoothest Line I Got

Mar 29, 2026

Always borrow money from a pessimist. They'll never expect it back.

Loophole in Human Nature

Mar 17, 2026

What did the guy with two left feet ask at the shoe store? Got any flip-flips?

Shoe Store Dilemma

Feb 23, 2026

It's called gross pay because it's disgusting to see how much money you would have made before taxes.

The Top Number Lies

Feb 5, 2026

How to stay poor. I'll start tomorrow.

The Mythical Monday

Jan 25, 2026

Marge called the newspaper for an obituary. Marge: Print this: Bernie is dead. Clerk: For $25, you can use six words. Marge: OK. Print: Bernie is dead. Toyota for sale.

Obituary Word Count

Jan 18, 2026