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Late Edition

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Wildcard

No theme, no warning. Dad picks whatever made him laugh in the garage this week.

163 jokes

I always arrive late at the office but I make up for it by leaving early.

Office Hours, Loosely

Jul 19, 2026

To err is human and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

Standard Operating Procedure

Jul 18, 2026

I don't usually brag about my expensive trips… but I just got home from the grocery store!

Big Spender Update

Jul 16, 2026

Smart phone. Dumb battery.

Two Bars of Genius

Jul 14, 2026

Why does the Tower of Pisa lean? It got italicized!

Vacation Photo Material

Jul 12, 2026

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Counting Lessons

Jul 11, 2026

I'm afraid for the calendar! Its days are numbered.

Wall Decor in Peril

Jul 9, 2026

How long have I been working for this company? Ever since they threatened to fire me…

Loyalty by Ultimatum

Jul 7, 2026

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.

Returns Not Accepted

Jul 5, 2026

I wish my wife was one of those secret agents who can't spill a word about their day at work!

Classified Information Wanted

Jul 4, 2026

I haven't owned a watch for I don't know how long.

Wristless and Free

Jul 2, 2026

What's the coldest city in Germany? Brr-lin.

German Geography Lesson

Jun 30, 2026

Lost hope. Still searching for Wi-Fi.

Bars First Priorities Later

Jun 28, 2026

All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.

Just Give Me a Shot

Jun 27, 2026

Upgrade your weekend, take Monday off…

Calendar Upgrade

Jun 25, 2026

Treat your kids well! They'll be the ones picking your nursing home.

The Long Game

Jun 23, 2026

Why did the ghost go to rehab? He was addicted to boos.

Spirits in Recovery

Jun 21, 2026

I'm glad I know sign language. It's pretty handy.

Talk With Your Mitts

Jun 20, 2026

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She said: "Great, I booked it for Thursday."

Calendar Has Other Ideas

Jun 18, 2026

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

Sunrise Operations Report

Jun 16, 2026

What was a more useful invention than the first telephone? The second telephone.

Solo Inventor Problem

Jun 14, 2026

42% of statistics are made up!

Numbers Under Oath

Jun 13, 2026

I just want to be rich enough to threaten to cut people out of my will.

Estate Planning Goals

Jun 11, 2026

Remember? Those were the days when you could download the Internet in a single CD!

Back When It Fit

Jun 9, 2026