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No theme, no warning. Dad picks whatever made him laugh in the garage this week.

163 jokes

What do elves learn in school? The ELF-ABET!

North Pole Schoolhouse

Apr 26, 2026

Claustrophobic people are more productive when they are thinking out of the box.

Cramped Genius

Apr 25, 2026

There are two types of people in this world: 1. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data

A List Cut Short

Apr 23, 2026

Confidence is 10% hard work and 90% delusion.

The Secret Ratio

Apr 21, 2026

Do I know you? Cause you look a lot like my next girlfriend.

Cocky at the Bar

Apr 19, 2026

I'm at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out…

Big Night Hardware Store

Apr 18, 2026

So far, so good. So far, so good. So far, so good. So far, so good.

Status Report From the Ledge

Apr 16, 2026

Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.

Forecast Improving

Apr 14, 2026

It's not the fall that kills you… It's the sudden stop at the end.

Physics for Free

Apr 12, 2026

A priest, an imam and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. The rabbit says: I think I might be a Type-O.

Bunny Walks Into Setup

Apr 11, 2026

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else!

From a Safe Distance

Apr 9, 2026

What did the retired sailor say? Long time, no sea.

Retired Sailor Checks In

Apr 7, 2026

Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract.

Courtship Study

Apr 5, 2026

Just tell me when and where, and I'll be there 20 minutes late.

RSVP Policy

Apr 4, 2026

There is a thin line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people understand this.

Above the Bar

Apr 2, 2026

Your kid may be a genius, but you're still a dummy.

Apple, Meet Different Tree

Mar 31, 2026

I got lost in your eyes. But I also get lost in department stores, so I wouldn't read too much into it.

Smoothest Line I Got

Mar 29, 2026

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make when they fly by…

Right Past My Ear

Mar 28, 2026

Every night I'm like 'I have exactly 5 hours, 37 minutes, 19 seconds… If I fall asleep in 2 minutes.'

Bedtime Calculus

Mar 26, 2026

I went to the doctor, and he said I'd need to take a pill every day for the rest of my life. But he only gave me 4 pills?

Prescription Refill

Mar 24, 2026

A storm blew away only 25% of my roof last night. OOF!

Three Quarters Lucky

Mar 22, 2026

Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.

Limited Edition Crowd

Mar 21, 2026

My roommate says our house is haunted. I've been living here for 300 years and I haven't noticed shit.

Quiet Neighborhood

Mar 19, 2026

Always borrow money from a pessimist. They'll never expect it back.

Loophole in Human Nature

Mar 17, 2026