Animals Jokes

108 animals dad jokes. You asked for it.

Reptilian Representative

What do you call a snake that works for the government? Civil Serpent!

AnimalsPoliticsWork+2

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Equine Asylum

What do you call a home for insane horses? Unstable!

WordplayAnimalsFarm+1

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Aged Bovine Celebration

What you call a 200-year old buffalo? A bisontennial.

WordplayHistoryAnimals

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Spotted Deception

Of all the large predator jungle cats, which one should you trust the least? The cheetah.

WordplayAnimalsJungle

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A Dog's Gala

I threw a ball for my dog... It’s a bit extravagant, I know. But it was his birthday and he looks great in a dinner jacket.

WordplayDogsParties+2

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Koala Bears Paws Button

How do koala bears stop a TV show? They hit the paws button.

AnimalsWordplayKoalas+2

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The Crowbar Conundrum

Before the crowbar was invented, crows simply drank at home.

AnimalsWordplayBirds+2

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Sea Monster's Delight

What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships.

MonstersOceanWordplay+2

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The Weakest Pillar

What kind of pillar is very bad at holding up a building? A caterpillar.

WordplayInsectsArchitecture+2

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Cow Quake

What do you call a cow during an earthquake? A milkshake.

WordplayFarmMilk+1

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Zebra Scan

I've always wondered how much a zebra would cost if you scanned it...

WordplayAnimalsCuriosity+1

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Zombie Fish Facts

During spawning, salmon stop eating and expend all their energy, causing their bodies to deteriorate and making them look like they’re 'rotting alive'

AnimalsBiologyFacts+1

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Jumping Higher Than Skyscrapers

How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? All of them! Skyscrapers can't jump!

AnimalsBuildingsWordplay

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The Sting of a Dog's Rebuff

It doesn't bother me when people won't talk to me, when a dog won't let me pet it, that really stings.

AnimalsEmotionsRelationships+2

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The Finn-tastic Vacation

Where do sharks go in summer vacation? Finland!

WordplayAnimalsTravel+2

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Barnyard Blunders

Every time I tell a punny cow joke, I butcher it.

FarmAnimals

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Feathered Feuds

I love waking up to the sound of birds arguing with their spouses.

AnimalsNatureSound+2

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The Non-Swimmer

What kind of fish can't swim? A dead one.

Dark HumorFishAnimals

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Nocturnal Cock-A-Doodle-Doo

If you cross an owl and a rooster, do you get a cock that stays up all night?

AnimalsWordplayQuestion

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The F-Factor: Politicians and Flying Pigs

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The letter F.

PoliticsAnimalsWordplay+1

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When Math Meets Myth: Unicorn Edition

Number of unicorns + 5 = 5, unicorns they don't exist

FantasyAnimalsMath+1

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Hatching Pythons: The Pi-Sized Difference

FUN FACT! When pythons hatch, the European species measure 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197 cm. Their American cousins are much bigger, with 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197 inches

ScienceAnimalsMath+1

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Buzzing Sales

What do bees do with their honey? They cell it.

WordplayInsectsFood+2

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Messing with Vegetarians

If I discovered a new animal, I'd call it a Quorn! Just to mess with vegetarians.

VegetablesAnimalsFood+1

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