Aging Jokes

28 aging dad jokes. You asked for it.

Same Guy Slower Clock

They used to time me with a stopwatch. Now, they use a calendar.

Aging Calendar Time

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Selectively Remembered

The best thing about the good old days is that we were neither good nor old.

Nostalgia Memory Aging

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Wheels of Time

Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.

Cheese Aging Time

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Winging It

I don't know how to act my age because I've never been this old before.

Aging Birthday Time

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Number on the Cake

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Aging Birthday Calendar+1

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Big Night Hardware Store

I'm at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out…

Aging Weekend

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Grandma Went Long

At 61, Grandma started walking five miles a day to stay fit. Now she is 97! And we have no clue where she is…

Walking Fitness Aging

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Mirror Has Opinions

Time may be a great healer but it's also a lousy beautician.

Aging Time Mirror

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Back in My Day

When I was a kid, everybody that played golf was an old man.

Aging Childhood

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Definitional Loophole

I'm retired in the sense that I was tired yesterday and I am tired again today.

Retirement Work Aging

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Compliment With Asterisks

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

Compliment Aging

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Senior Discount on Crime

Don't mess with old people. Life sentences don't scare them anymore…

Aging Crime

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Ask My Knees

Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.

Memory Aging

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The Fine Print

I always feel relieved when my doctor says something is normal for my age. But then I remember that someday dying will also be normal for my age.

Doctor Aging Checkup+1

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The Kitchen Mystery

Why did I walk into the kitchen again? Oh right, I need to forget. I need to forget seven times to remember once!

Memory Kitchen Aging+1

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Eternal Youth Hack

Regular naps prevent old age. Especially if you take them while driving.

Nap Sleep Driving+1

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The Long Game

Treat your kids well! They'll be the ones picking your nursing home.

Kids Parenting Aging+1

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Mug Fueled Existence

I love coffee. It's Red Bull for old people.

Coffee Aging

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The Mirror Lies Less

Aging gracefully means you're slowly starting to look worse.

Aging Mirror

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Estate Planning, Loosely

If I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, I may live long enough to be a real burden to my loved ones. Please, pass me the wine.

Wine Aging Retirement

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Vintage Notes

Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.

Wine Aging

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Bedside Manner Needs Work

You're in excellent health. You'll live to be 90. But, Doctor, I am 90! That's it then…

Doctor Checkup Aging+1

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Working Just Fine

Wow, this new hearing aid I got is amazing! I can hear everything! That's fantastic! What kind is it? Oh… It's about 2:15.

Clock Aging Time

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Fire Marshal Approved

Once you reach a venerable age… You just need 1 candle on your cake for one more year on Earth!

Birthday Candle Cake+1

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