Health Jokes

34 health dad jokes. You asked for it.

Invisible Concern

Doctor, an invisible patient is on line one. Tell him I can't see him right now.

HealthWordplayWork

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Apple Debate

Is it true an apple a day keeps the doctor away? Or is it just an old Granny's myth?

FruitHealth

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Cured Bacon

Smoking will kill you... Bacon will kill you… But… Smoking bacon will cure you!

FoodSmokingIrony+2

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Mind Change

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind.

HealthBrainWordplay+1

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Rabbit Vision

How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?

AnimalsVisionHealth+1

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Prepaid Doctor

I went to see the doctor about short-term memory problems. The first thing he did was to make me pay in advance.

HealthNostalgiaMoney

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Constipation Concern

Can you die from constipation? I'm a little worried about how full of shit you are…

InsultSarcasmHealth

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Peeling Banana

The banana went to see the doctor because she was not peeling well.

FruitHealthWordplay+1

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Balanced Delights

A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

FoodFitnessHealth+2

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Workday Woes

I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.

WordplayWeekdaysWork+1

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Backbone Buddy

I really love my spine. It's always so supportive.

WordplaySkeletonsHealth

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Wrinkles in Time

Time may be a great healer but it’s also a lousy beautician.

WordplayTimeAppearance+2

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Good Health

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

HealthSeniorsWordplay+2

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Uranium Diet Disaster

What do you get when you eat uranium? Atomic ache.

ScienceFoodWordplay+2

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Daily New Faces

Alzheimer's can't be that bad, you get to meet new people every day.

HealthNostalgiaAge+2

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Brake Fluid Brain

80% of the brain is fluid. Unfortunately in your case, it’s brake fluid.

ScienceHealthWordplay+2

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Beware the Fuzzy Meat

Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

FoodHealthMisleading+2

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Friendly Nation: The Marijuana Effect

Scientists are concerned the legalization of marijuana may result in an entire nation of overly friendly and polite people.

CultureSocietyHealth

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Embracing the Crazy in the Family

My doctor asked if anyone in my family struggles with mental illness. I replied, 'Nope, we all seem to thrive on it!'

FamilyMental HealthHealth+1

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Remembering to Forget with Alcohol

If alcohol damages your short term memory... Short term memory. Just imagine what alcohol can do.

DrinksNostalgiaForgetfulness+1

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A Unique Approach to Fitness

We moved the treadmill outside. Now I can work on my cardio and my cancer at the same time!

HealthFitness

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The Whiskey Weight Loss Plan

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.

DrinksFitnessHealth

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Normal for My Age

I always feel relieved when my doctor says something is normal for my age. But then I remember that someday dying will also be normal for my age.

AgeHealthReality+2

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Sleep Well, Work Less

A healthy sleep not only makes your life longer, but also shortens the workday.

HealthSleepProductivity+1

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