Money Jokes

44 money dad jokes. You asked for it.

Infinite Wealth, Limited Spending

I have enough money to last the rest of my life... as long as I don't buy and eat anything.

Money Food Irony

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The Lending Paradox

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Money Irony

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Irresistible Yard Sale Deals

A yard sale: "A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist."

Shopping Money

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Financial Planning: A Short-Term View

I have all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4:00 p.m. today

Dark Humor Money Death+1

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Crash Landing Concerns

If I survived a plane crash in the wilderness, my main worry would be my airport parking bill.

Survival Transportation Mental Health+2

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The Real Dental Fear

When I said 'I was afraid of the dentist', I meant the bill!!!

Money Fear Dentist

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Power of the Will

I just want to be rich enough to threaten to cut people out of my will.

Money Ambition

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Halfway to Dreams

Most of the people dream of not working and having lots of money. During an economic crisis 50% of those dreams come true.

Satire Money Dreams+1

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Holding Onto Nothing

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Life Attitude Money+1

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The Fear of Future Fame

I'm afraid my kid will become a famous artist, and I'll have thrown away a fortune in their early work.

Family Art Fear+1

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How to Make a Million

I figured out how to make a million dollars on the stock market. Invest 2 million.

Money Strategy

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Money Matters

Money isn't everything but everything needs money

Money Life Philosophy

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Taxing Our Way to Zero Debt

If the US wants to solve its $34.9 trillion debt problem, the solution is simple! Just tax each inhabitant on average $100,000. It's like taking a page out of Europe's tax book. One year and poof... no more debt!

Money Politics Taxes+1

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Convertible Happiness

Money can't buy happiness, but it can definitely help you hunt for it faster... in a shiny new convertible!

Money Happiness Cars+2

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Milking Sheep

How do you milk sheep? Release a new iPhone and charge $1,000 for it.

Technology Sheep Wordplay+2

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Laundromat Logic

A laundromat is a poor place to pick up a woman. If she can't afford a washing machine, she probably won't be able to support you either.

Household Relationships Money+1

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Love or Money?

Would you have married me if I didn't inherit a fortune from my father? Honey, I would have married you no matter who left you a fortune.

Wordplay Marriage Relationships+1

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Clocked Out

Time is the one currency you can't see your balance for. Use it wisely.

Time Life Money+1

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The Costly Cart

Most expensive vehicle to operate in 2024-2025

Shopping Money

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Sorry, I've Moved On

I've decided to leave my past behind, so if I owe you money... Sorry, I've moved on!

Money Wordplay

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