Money Jokes

73 money dad jokes. You asked for it.

Numbers Under Oath

42% of statistics are made up!

StatisticsNumbersMath+1

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Old Proverb New Math

Give a man a gun and he will rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he will rob everyone.

MoneyPowerWisdom

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Wished On The Wrong Star

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been specific.

AmbitionGoalsMoney

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Locksmith Logic

People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made.

MoneyHappinessWealth+2

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Tuition By Combustion

There's nothing I've learned from being a father that I couldn't just as easily have figured out from setting all my money on fire.

FatherhoodParentingKids+2

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Bill Shock Specialist

When I was young, I was afraid of the dark. Now when I get my electricity bill, I am afraid of the light.

BillMoneyChildhood+1

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Romance Without The Romance

Having teenagers is just paying for a bunch of dates that you don't get to go on.

ParentingDatingKids+1

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Wisdom For Cheap

So many scams on the internet... but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them!!!

InternetMoneySales

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Reception With Benefits

Wedding, an expensive way to get laundry done for free.

WeddingMarriageMoney+1

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Big Spender Update

I don't usually brag about my expensive trips... but I just got home from the grocery store!

ShoppingMoney

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Just Give Me A Shot

All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.

MoneyWealthHappiness+1

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The Family Discount

If I had a dollar for every woman who called me handsome... I'd have 1 dollar. Thanks, Grandma!

FamilyMoney

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Holiday Math, Honey Edition

My wife set a limit of how much we can spend on each other for Christmas. It's $9.99 on me and $999 on her.

ChristmasWifeBudget+2

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Couch Wisdom Hours

The real rich is the one who can enjoy the cheapest things like a good laugh...or a penny!

MoneyRichLaugh+1

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The Retirement Plan

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

MoneyBudgetRetirement+1

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Loan Officer Logic

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

MoneyFinanceIrony

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Driveway Economics

A yard sale: "A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist."

MoneyShoppingGarage

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Tight Budget Window

I have all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4:00 p.m. today

MoneyRetirementFinance+2

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Wrong Math, Friend

The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income.

RetirementMoneyWork+1

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Tell Them The Truth

Why do you want this job? I've just always been very passionate about not starving to death.

JobWorkCareer+1

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Stranded With Priorities

If I survived a plane crash in the wilderness, my main worry would be my airport parking bill.

ParkingMoney

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The Brochure Was The Tell

How to avoid scams. Seminar cancelled. Tickets are non-refundable.

Money

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Business Plan Pending

Preorder now! I have nothing for sale... yet. But, it's always good to preorder.

SalesMoneyBusiness

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Open Wide, Wallet

When I said 'I was afraid of the dentist', I meant the bill!!!

DentistBillMoney+2

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