Drinking Jokes

26 drinking dad jokes. You asked for it.

Garnish Philosophy

I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of Tequila.

Life Drinking

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Familiar Stranger

An amnesiac walks into a bar. "So do I come here often?"

Bar Memory Drinking

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Avian Happy Hour

Before the crowbar was invented, crows simply drank at home.

Bar Home Drinking+1

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Schoolyard Grammar Crisis

Education is important, beer is importanter.

Beer Education School+2

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Witness For The Prosecution

Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did, except you.

Childhood Memory Drinking+2

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Calendar Loopholes

I only drink on days beginning with 'T' - Tuesday, Thursday, Today, and Tomorrow.

Drinking Week Calendar

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Counting Lessons

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Drinking Counting Alcohol

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Two Fisted Wisdom

What's a man's balanced diet? A beer in each hand!

Beer Diet Drinking+2

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Cheers To Whatever

If alcohol damages your short term memory... Short term memory. Just imagine what alcohol can do.

Alcohol Memory Drinking+2

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Helmets Optional, Math Isn't

There are drunk bikers, there are old bikers. But... there are no old, drunk bikers!

Drinking Age Wisdom

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Indoor Voice, Failing

Nobody works harder than a drunk person trying to carefully whisper a secret.

Drinking Party

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Results May Vary

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.

Diet Drinking Weekend+1

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Ask The Cashier

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Drinking Driving Rules

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League Night Priorities

My drinking team has a bowling problem.

Drinking

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A Quiet Reveal

I liked beer so much that my family didn't know I drank until they saw me sober!

Beer Drinking Family+1

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Beaker Logic

Not to get technical, but in chemistry, alcohol is a solution.

Chemistry Alcohol Science+1

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Heritage Math

I may be just 10% Irish, but on St. Patrick's Day, I'll be 100% drunk.

Drinking

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Lighting Directors Choice

I'm pretty sober, but I'm prettier drunk.

Drinking Confidence Selfdeprecating+1

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The Tape Never Lies

Dear Alcohol, we had a deal—funnier, smarter, better dancer. I saw the video. We need to talk.

Alcohol Drinking Dancing+1

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Estate Planning, Loosely

If I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, I may live long enough to be a real burden to my loved ones. Please, pass me the wine.

Wine Drinking Aging+1

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Definitions May Vary

"Clean and sober" simply means I've showered and I'm headed to the pub.

Drinking

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Resolution Failure

What happened to the man who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year? He gave up thinking!

Drinking Thinking Alcohol

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Generous Donor

I plan to donate my liver to an alcoholic so I’ll know it’s a match.

Alcohol Drinking Health

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Repeat Experiment

Alcohol won't heal a broken heart but that won't stop me from trying again tonight.

Alcohol Drinking Relationships+1

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