WIFE DAD JOKES

34 wife dad jokes — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Wife Workout Plan

My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.

Wife Exercise Fitness+1

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Selective Hearing Hall Of Fame

My wife complains I don't listen… or something like that.

Wife Marriage Listening+2

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Open Tab Forever

Dad, how much it costs to get married? No idea, I'm still paying.

Marriage Money Wedding+2

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Closet Diplomacy

My wife is always stealing my T-shirts and sweater… but if I take one of her dresses… suddenly… "we need to talk."

Wife Marriage Clothes

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Two Lovely Decades Apiece

My wife and I were happy for 25 years… and then we met.

Marriage Wife Relationship+1

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Confidant Of The Year

Your secret is safe with me… I wasn't even listening.

Gossip Marriage Wife+1

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Calendar Misread Tragedy

Guess what? It's hearing awareness month. Wow earring awareness month, time to shop!

Hearing Awareness Shopping+1

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Domestic Diplomacy

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

Marriage Wife Love+1

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A Love Story In Degrees

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Marriage Wife Love+2

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Counting With Interest

Husband: For the last 28 years, all you've done is find mistakes in anything I say. Wife: 29 years...

Marriage Wife Husband+2

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Terms And Conditions

How is arguing with a woman like reading a software license agreement? In the end you ignore it all and click 'I agree'.

Marriage Wife Argument

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Acoustic Engineering Question

If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear it... is he still wrong?

Marriage Wife Argument+1

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Two Bad Bets

Women marry hoping he'll change... Men marry believing she won't... Both are wrong!!!

Marriage Wife Husband+1

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Settled Long Ago

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always!

Marriage Wife Arguments+2

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Rule One Of Engagement

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after is the beginning of a new argument.

Argument Marriage Relationship+2

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Classified Information Wanted

I wish my wife was one of those secret agents who can't spill a word about their day at work!

Wife Marriage Talking+1

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Holiday Math, Honey Edition

My wife set a limit of how much we can spend on each other for Christmas. It's $9.99 on me and $999 on her.

Christmas Wife Budget+2

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Translation Services

The best thing about women is how they can tell you what you really meant to say.

Women Wife Marriage+2

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Husband Of The Year

Every wife should understand one thing: A dinner will taste better if she cooks it less frequently.

Wife Cooking Marriage+1

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Procedural Marital Combat

My wife and I had a two-hour fight about whether or not we were fighting.

Marriage Wife Fight+2

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Two Word Warning

Never trust a woman that says 'It's fine.'

Wife Marriage Relationships+1

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Two-Person Comedy Act

My wife and I share a sense of humor. We have to. She doesn't have one.

Wife Marriage Humor+2

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Two Words Outclassed

Her: "I'm pregnant!" Him: "You're kidding me."

Marriage Parenting Wife

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Mirror, Meet Match

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised…

Wife Marriage

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