TIME DAD JOKES

35 time dad jokes — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Negatives And Positives

Are people born with photographic memories, or does it take time to develop?

Memory Brain Time

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Same Guy Slower Clock

They used to time me with a stopwatch. Now, they use a calendar.

Aging Slow Time+2

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Calendar Mischief

Can February march? No, but April may!

Calendar Time

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Already Bombed Tomorrow

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.

Time Future Past+1

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Wall Decor In Peril

I'm afraid for the calendar! Its days are numbered.

Calendar Time Kitchen+1

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Wristless And Free

I haven't owned a watch for I don't know how long.

Time Clock Wordplay

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Punctual Pest

What kind of bug tells time? A clock Roach

Clock Time

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Two For The Price

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like bananas.

Time Fruit

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Wheels Of Time

Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.

Cheese Age Aging+2

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Procrastinators Manifesto

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Procrastination Tomorrow Laziness+2

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Bigger Things Going On

I cannot afford to waste my time making money.

Money Time Work+1

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The Reset Button

Life always offers you a second chance. It's called TOMORROW.

Tomorrow Life Wisdom+1

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Right Past My Ear

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make when they fly by...

Work Procrastination Time+1

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Calendar Math

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Life Time Wisdom

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Look At You Now

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Worry Tomorrow Anxiety+1

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Time Is Plumbing

How long is one minute? It depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

Time Bathroom Perspective+1

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Mirror Has Opinions

Time may be a great healer but it’s also a lousy beautician.

Aging Time Mirror

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Cancel The Uber

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Time Travel Patience+1

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Tomorrow Sounds Better

A procrastinator's work is never done.

Procrastination Work Lazy+2

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Distance Makes The Plan

The farther away the future is, the better it looks.

Future Planning Optimism+2

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Pre Beard Era

"How old was I in 2007?", "Ah. 2007. I was young and full of dreams, not quite fossilized yet!"

Aging Memory Dreams+2

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The One-Way Trip

What goes up and never comes down? Your age!

Age Aging Birthday+1

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Slow Down, Kid

75% of time with your kids is gone by age 12. 90% by age 18. Be present and cherish these years... They go fast.

Kids Parenting Time+2

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Birthday Math Optional

How old would you feel if you didn’t know your age? Just a genuine question.

Age Aging Birthday+2

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