MONEY DAD JOKES

73 money dad jokes — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Beach Bum Charity

Why don't crabs give to charity? Because they're shell-fish.

Money Beach Ocean

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Tuition Well Spent

If I got 50 cents for every failed math exams, I'd have $6.30 now.

Math School Money

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Loophole In Human Nature

Always borrow money from a pessimist. They'll never expect it back.

Money Finance Attitude

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Faith Has No Margins

Atheism is a Non Prophet Organization.

Religion Business Money

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Silicon Confidence

Computers make very very fast, very accurate mistakes.

Computers Technology Mistakes+2

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North Pole Financing

How much Santa paid for his sleigh? Nothing, it was on the house.

Christmas Money Gift

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Open Tab Forever

Dad, how much it costs to get married? No idea, I'm still paying.

Marriage Money Wedding+2

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Quit Before They Knew

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Money Finance Career+1

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Pocket Change Apocalypse

Breaking news: there's a global coin shortage! We're all running low on common "cents"!

Money Economy

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Solo Inventor Problem

What was a more useful invention than the first telephone? The second telephone.

Invention Communication History+1

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Office Visit, Cash Up Front

I went to see the doctor about short-term memory problems. The first thing he did was to make me pay in advance.

Doctor Memory Money

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A Floating Bargain

I bought a boat because it was for sail.

Shopping Money Pun

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Fiscal Catch Twenty Two

Fines are a tax you pay for doing something wrong; taxes are a fine you pay for doing something right.

Taxes Money Government+2

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Inventory Liquidation

How much did the man sell his dead batteries for? Nothing, they are free of charge!

Money Business

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Bigger Things Going On

I cannot afford to waste my time making money.

Money Time Work+1

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Layered Heartbreak

My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.

Money Expensive

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The Hopeful Investor

Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.

Math Money Finance

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The Whole Trick

Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it.

Work Career Advice+1

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Entrepreneur Of The Year

I tried to start a stationary business. Unfortunately, it just didn't go anywhere.

Business Money Career

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The Top Number Lies

It's called gross pay because it's disgusting to see how much money you would have made before taxes.

Taxes Money Work+1

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Diversify, Genius

A stock market crash is worse than a divorce. You lose half your money but your wife is still around.

Money Finance Divorce

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Confidence In Quitting

I bet you I could stop gambling.

Money Finance

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Receipts Required

I may love to shop but I'm not buying your bullshit!

Shopping Money Sales

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The Beautiful Loop

I work to buy a car to go to work.

Work Car Money+2

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