AGING DAD JOKES

39 aging dad jokes — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Same Guy Slower Clock

They used to time me with a stopwatch. Now, they use a calendar.

Aging Slow Time+2

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Selectively Remembered

The best thing about good old days is that we were neither good nor old.

Nostalgia Memory Aging+2

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Wheels Of Time

Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.

Cheese Age Aging+2

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Sleeping Like A Saint

A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.

Memory Wisdom Aging

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Winging It

I don’t know how to act my age because I’ve never been this old before.

Age Aging Old+2

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Recliner Philosophy Hour

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Age Aging Wisdom+2

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Big Night Hardware Store

I'm at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out...

Aging Relatable

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Grandma Went Long

At 61, Grandma started walking five miles a day to stay fit. Now she is 97! And we have no clue where she is...

Fitness Family Aging

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Mirror Has Opinions

Time may be a great healer but it’s also a lousy beautician.

Aging Time Mirror

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Back In My Day

When I was a kid, everybody that played golf was an old man.

Aging Sports Nostalgia

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Compliment With Asterisks

I like you. You remind me when I was young and stupid.

Youth Wisdom Roast+2

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Senior Discount On Crime

Don't mess with old people. Life sentences don't scare them anymore...

Aging

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New Default Setting

Being 'tired' has stopped being just a temporary state for me. It's practically become part of my personality now.

Tired Aging Lawn

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Bright Side Only

Alzheimer's can't be that bad, you get to meet new people every day.

Optimism Memory Aging

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Mandatory Birthday Safety Briefing

The older you get, the more you need to keep a fire extinguisher close to the cake.

Birthday Candles Aging

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Decade Of Disposition

I'm not crazy. I've just been in a bad mood for the last ten years.

Mood Attitude Aging+1

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Ask My Knees

Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.

Memory Aging Life+1

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Pre Beard Era

"How old was I in 2007?", "Ah. 2007. I was young and full of dreams, not quite fossilized yet!"

Aging Memory Dreams+2

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The One-Way Trip

What goes up and never comes down? Your age!

Age Aging Birthday+1

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The Fine Print

I always feel relieved when my doctor says something is normal for my age. But then I remember that someday dying will also be normal for my age.

Doctor Age Aging+2

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Memory Real Estate

You'd think the brain area that remembered phone numbers would now handle passwords! But... nope!

Memory Passwords Brain+2

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The Kitchen Mystery

Why did I walk into the kitchen again? Oh right, I need to forget. I need to forget seven times to remember once!

Memory Kitchen Aging+1

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Eternal Youth Hack

Regular naps prevent old age. Especially if you take them while driving.

Sleep Driving Aging+1

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Audiobook Romance

I avoid dating older women. Their life stories take too long to hear.

Dating Aging Relationships+1

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