FAMILY DAD JOKES

33 family dad jokes — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Goodbye From The Herd

What did the buffalo say when his son left for College? Bison!

Father Son Family

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Diagnosing The Family

Can you die from constipation? I'm a little worried about how full of shit you are…

Insult Family Health+1

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Bloodline Diagnosis

Insanity is hereditary, you get it from your children.

Insanity Children Family+1

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Settled By The Manager

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Arguments Ego Family+1

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Paperwork On File

I'm not insane. My mother had me tested.

Insanity Family Relatable+1

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The Other Einstein

Albert Einstein was a genius. But his brother Frank was a monster.

Einstein Science Family

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Ranked and Filed

Poop jokes aren't my favourite kind of joke. But they are a solid #2.

Kids Family Humor

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Grandma Went Long

At 61, Grandma started walking five miles a day to stay fit. Now she is 97! And we have no clue where she is...

Fitness Family Aging

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Worship Patterns

My teenage son treats me like a god. He acts like I don't exist until he wants something.

Parenting Son Family

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Management 101

I didn't say it was your fault, I just said I was blaming you.

Blame Relationships Logic+2

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Sibling Logistics

Please go play with your brother. That's basically why we had him.

Family Kids Parenting

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Home Audience Behavior

If a mother is laughing at the father's jokes, it means they have guests.

Father Family Jokes

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Negotiated Disappearance

If I promise to miss you, will you go away?

Sarcasm Goodbye Family

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Hospital Records, Champ

Were any famous men born on your birthday? No, only little babies.

Birthday Kids Family

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Tuition By Combustion

There's nothing I've learned from being a father that I couldn't just as easily have figured out from setting all my money on fire.

Fatherhood Parenting Kids+2

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The Family Discount

If I had a dollar for every woman who called me handsome... I'd have 1 dollar. Thanks, Grandma!

Family Money

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Family Checkup

My doctor asked if anyone in my family struggles with mental illness. I replied, 'Nope, we all seem to thrive on it!'

Family Doctor Mental+1

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Math From The Recliner

Two wrongs don't make a right. Take your parents as an example.

Parents Family Math+2

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A Quiet Reveal

I liked beer so much that my family didn't know I drank until they saw me sober!

Beer Drinking Family+1

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With Light Edits

I love you just the way you are, but I do have a few suggestions.

Love Family Roast+1

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The Real Retirement Plan

I just want to be rich enough to threaten to cut people out of my will.

Money Rich Family

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Slow Down, Kid

75% of time with your kids is gone by age 12. 90% by age 18. Be present and cherish these years... They go fast.

Kids Parenting Time+2

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The Long Game

Treat your kids well! They'll be the ones picking your nursing home.

Kids Parenting Family+1

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Apple, Meet Different Tree

Your kid may be a genius, but you’re still a dummy.

Kids Parenting Family+1

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