BROWSE DAD JOKES

904 jokes and counting — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Skeptic at the Dinner Table

I don't believe in myths like the one that states you have a brain.

Brain Insult Sarcasm+1

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Numbers Get Spooky Too

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec

Halloween Christmas Math+1

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Caught You Looking

A new poll suggests that most people will likely finish reading any sentence that starts with 'A new poll suggests.'

News Reading

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Two Stools One Diagnosis

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Bartender Drinks Alcohol+1

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Whiskers The Fourth

My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.

Password Cat Security

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Stubborn In The Soil

What kind of vegetable refuses to be harvested? The kind that doesn’t lettuce.

Garden

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Foolproof Finance Strategy

I figured out how to make a million dollars on the stock market. Invest 2 million.

Money Finance Wealth

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Manual Override

Feeling stuck? Press forward.

Motivation Advice Work

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The Recliner Doctrine

Minimum momentum makes maximum miracles.

Motivation Success

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Caught Red Handed

Private sign. Do not read!

Reading Mischief Rules

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The Big Three

Most difficult things to say: I'm sorry, I need help, Worcestershire sauce

Apology

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The Wallet Paradox

Money isn't everything but everything needs money

Money Wealth Finance+2

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Slow Down, Kid

75% of time with your kids is gone by age 12. 90% by age 18. Be present and cherish these years... They go fast.

Kids Parenting Time+2

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October Wisdom

When you feel like you're losing everything, remember trees lose their leaves every year but still stand tall and wait for better days.

Resilience Hope Nature+1

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Bird Took My Job

A parrot at the office learned to ask, 'How's the project going?' and ended up getting promoted to Project Manager, replacing me!

Parrot Office Work

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Memory Real Estate

You'd think the brain area that remembered phone numbers would now handle passwords! But... nope!

Memory Passwords Brain+2

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Napkin Math Economics

If the US wants to solve its $34.9 trillion debt problem, the solution is simple! Just tax each inhabitant on average $100,000. It's like taking a page out of Europe's tax book. One year and poof... no more debt!

Taxes Economy Money+1

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Tech Support Camp

Linux is like a tipi: no gates, no windows, Apache inside.

Linux Computers Tech

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The Kitchen Mystery

Why did I walk into the kitchen again? Oh right, I need to forget. I need to forget seven times to remember once!

Memory Kitchen Aging+1

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Track Meet Misunderstanding

Are you a pole vaulter? No, I'm German. But how did you know my name was Walter?

Misunderstanding

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Undefeated Champion

Not trying to brag or anything... But I have never lost in the Olympics.

Sports Success

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Genius With Bedhead

Creativity is intelligence having fun. - Einstein

Einstein Creativity Intelligence+1

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Cosmic Shrug

Take it easy. Someday you'll be dead, none of this will matter.

Mortality Philosophy Perspective+1

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Second Opinion From The Garage

What's the difference between a mechanic and a doctor? A mechanic repairs his mistakes, while a doctor buries his.

Doctor Cars

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