BROWSE DAD JOKES

904 jokes and counting — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Eternal Youth Hack

Regular naps prevent old age. Especially if you take them while driving.

Sleep Driving Aging+1

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Spotlight On A Stumble

Nothing grabs attention like a big mistake.

Mistakes Attention Failure

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Veteran Move

What makes you think this is my first time?

Experience Confidence Attitude+1

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Stay Down Stay Out

Failure is not falling down... it is not getting up again…

Resilience Perseverance Failure+2

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Audiobook Romance

I avoid dating older women. Their life stories take too long to hear.

Dating Aging Relationships+1

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Beaker Logic

Not to get technical, but in chemistry, alcohol is a solution.

Chemistry Alcohol Science+1

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The Long Game

Treat your kids well! They'll be the ones picking your nursing home.

Kids Parenting Family+1

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Cheaper Than Therapy

If you ever feel alone, watch a horror movie at night, you won’t feel alone anymore.

Movies

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Mirror, Meet Match

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised…

Wife Marriage

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Salad Has Enemies

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Vegetarian Animals Food+1

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Time Is A Liar

I can't stand running on the treadmill for half an hour, only to look down and see it's been just 4 minutes.

Gym Fitness Exercise

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Garnish, Officially

Remember, a small bottle of vodka not only makes your table look nice but also covers any cooking mistakes.

Cooking Kitchen Drinks+1

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Watch The Mouth

You're about as useless as an asshole with tastebuds.

Insult Roast Work+1

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Bless Their Heart

When someone calls me ugly, I get sad... and hug them because I know life's hard for the visually impaired.

Insult

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Highbrow Poultry

Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip? To get to the same side!

Chicken Math

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Two Words, Survival

Trust but verify

Trust Wisdom Advice+1

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Forrest Would Be Furious

Life is like a box of chocolates, it ends sooner for fat people.

Life Mortality Food+1

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Birthday Math Optional

How old would you feel if you didn’t know your age? Just a genuine question.

Age Aging Birthday+2

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Genie Energy Activated

Well, here I am! What are your other two wishes?

Ego Confidence Humor

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Garage Wisdom Hour

It's not the struggle that shapes you, but how you face it!

Wisdom Grit Work

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Studio Owes Me Royalties

I hate when I'm singing along to the Beastie Boys and they mess up the lyrics.

Music Singing Car

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Inspirational Reflection Reveal

If you're searching for that one person who will change your life, just look in the mirror.

Mirror Self Motivation+1

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Thermostat Of Bass

If you think the music is too loud, you're too old!!

Music Loud Aging+1

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Mug Fueled Existence

I love coffee. It's Red Bull for old people.

Coffee Caffeine Energy+2

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