BROWSE DAD JOKES

904 jokes and counting — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Halfway To Nowhere

It's been a long week. - Me, in the middle of Tuesday.

Tired Week Exhausted+1

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Definitely Not Competing

I'm not much of a competitive person. I'll be the first to admit that.

Ego Humility Irony

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Reward For Maybe Cat

Wanted: Schrödinger's cat, dead or alive.

Cat Physics Science

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The Real Retirement Plan

I just want to be rich enough to threaten to cut people out of my will.

Money Rich Family

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Bartender Wants Words

You owe me a drink. You're so ugly I dropped mine when I saw you.

Insult Bar

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Recession Math

Most of the people dream of not working and having lots of money. During an economic crisis 50% of those dreams come true.

Money Work Economy

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Couch Diplomacy

Relationship between men and women is psychological. She is psycho and he is logical.

Relationship Men Women+2

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Search Engine Trouble

eBay is useless. I searched for 'lighters' and got 12,544 matches.

Internet Shopping

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High Compliment Detected

You're so pretty you could be in a beer commercial.

Compliment Beer

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Crab Bucket Theory

Everybody loves success but they hate successful people.

Success Work

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Commit Already

RSVP: Yes? No? Yes now, later no?

Indecision Party Commitment

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Undefeated Streak

I'm never wrong! Once, I thought I was wrong, but it turned out I was right about being wrong!

Confidence Ego Stubborn

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Produce Aisle Politics

If he doesn't appreciate your fruit jokes you let that mango.

Fruit Relationship Dating

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Reframe Department

Sometimes you succeed and other times you learn…

Success Failure Learning+2

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Hold My Coffee

First thing I do when I get on a Linux computer is to remove the French language pack with [ sudo rm -fr ./* ]

Linux Computer Tech+1

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Pace Yourself Champ

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask where they're going and catch up with them later.

Dreams Ambition Goals+2

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Held The Line At Zero

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Money Wealth Success+1

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Brewed Just Right

Men are like coffee! The finest ones are rich, hot, and keep you awake all night.

Coffee Men Compliment+2

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Engineered To Spill

I eat my tacos over a tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, boom, boom, another taco!

Food Planning

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Math Checks Out

A healthy sleep not only makes your life longer, but also shortens your workday.

Sleep Work Career+2

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Hoo Are You Kidding

I've been thinking of you... owl night long.

Owl Bird Romance+2

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Refrigerator Gallery

I'm afraid my kid will become a famous artist, and I'll have thrown away a fortune in their early work.

Kids Art Parenting+1

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Two Words Outclassed

Her: "I'm pregnant!" Him: "You're kidding me."

Marriage Parenting Wife

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Therapy For Hardware

Why did the computer go to therapy? Because it had a case of the BSoD blues!

Computer Therapy Tech+1

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