BROWSE DAD JOKES

904 jokes and counting — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Two-Person Comedy Act

My wife and I share a sense of humor. We have to. She doesn't have one.

Wife Marriage Humor+2

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Mathlete Hour

While most puns make me feel numb, mathematic puns make me feel number.

Math Puns Numbers+2

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Stranded With Priorities

If I survived a plane crash in the wilderness, my main worry would be my airport parking bill.

Parking Money

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Maybe, Ask Later

I think I'm agnostic, but I haven't decided.

Beliefs Indecision Philosophy+1

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Thumb Theology

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Technology Habits Generation

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The Noodle Doctrine

Pastafarianism is by far superior to other religions.

Religion Beliefs Faith+1

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Outgrow Them Early

By age 35 you should hate the last three albums by your favorite band.

Music Nostalgia

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Equal Outcome Either Way

Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter. Nobody listens!

Listening Marriage Communication

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Selective Memory Loss

I'll never forget the first time we met... But I'll keep trying!!!

Memory Romance Relationship

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Variety Pack Misery

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

Life Philosophy

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Math From The Recliner

Two wrongs don't make a right. Take your parents as an example.

Parents Family Math+2

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A Quiet Reveal

I liked beer so much that my family didn't know I drank until they saw me sober!

Beer Drinking Family+1

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The Brochure Was The Tell

How to avoid scams. Seminar cancelled. Tickets are non-refundable.

Money

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Until The Box Opens

Best friends: willing to sacrifice everything for each other, yet fiercely battle over the last slice of pizza.

Friends Pizza Food

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Survival 101

If your partner asks, 'Do you love your phone more than you love me?' Lie!

Relationship Phone Love

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With Light Edits

I love you just the way you are, but I do have a few suggestions.

Love Family Roast+1

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Business Plan Pending

Preorder now! I have nothing for sale... yet. But, it's always good to preorder.

Sales Money Business

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Save The Date, Allegedly

I'm organizing a meeting for clairvoyants. I trust you already know when, where, and at what time!

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Big Numbers Hurt

∞ + ∞ = ???

Math Numbers Equation

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Tuesday Doesn't Care

Your goals don't care if you're sad. Do what must be done.

Motivation Grit Discipline+2

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The Fine Print

I always feel relieved when my doctor says something is normal for my age. But then I remember that someday dying will also be normal for my age.

Doctor Age Aging+2

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Open Wide, Wallet

When I said 'I was afraid of the dentist', I meant the bill!!!

Dentist Bill Money+2

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Cold Construction Tips

How did the penguin build its house? Igloos it together.

Penguin House Animals+1

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Thermostat Wars Forever

You can please all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time.

People Wisdom Leadership

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