BROWSE DAD JOKES

904 jokes and counting — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Boots Still Squeaky

What do you call a young army? Infantry.

Kids

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Two Word Warning

Never trust a woman that says 'It's fine.'

Wife Marriage Relationships+1

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Peer Reviewed Optimism

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian roulette is safe.

Scientists Statistics

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Machine Versus Man

A computer does what you command it to do, but not necessarily what you want it to do.

Computer Technology Programming+1

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Encased Royalty

What do you call a German sausage made of other German sausages? The wurst of the wurst.

Food

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Backyard Fitness Plan

We moved the treadmill outside. Now I can work on my cardio and my cancer at the same time!

Exercise Outdoors Fitness

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Comedy By The Pound

I love jokes but I like hu mor…

Jokes Comedy Humor+2

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Specify Your Terms

When I asked if you'd like to go out on a date sometime... I meant with me.

Dating Romance Awkward+1

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Status Report From The Ledge

So far, so good. So far, so good. So far, so good. So far, so good.

Optimism Success Persistence+1

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Talk With Your Mitts

I'm glad I know sign language. It's pretty handy.

Communication

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Suspicious Stargazing

I think my neighbor is stalking me... I saw her googling my name through my telescope last night.

Neighbor

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Wrong Math, Friend

The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income.

Retirement Money Work+1

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Bathroom Engineering Failure

Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!

Bathroom Invention Household

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Scientific Distraction Index

The sight of a woman's cleavage reduces a man's ability to think clearly by 50%... per boob!

Math Attention

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Helmets Optional, Math Isn't

There are drunk bikers, there are old bikers. But... there are no old, drunk bikers!

Drinking Age Wisdom

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Tell Them The Truth

Why do you want this job? I've just always been very passionate about not starving to death.

Job Work Career+1

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You Get The Idea

There are two types of people in this world: 1. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data

Logic Math Statistics+1

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Vacation Photo Material

Why does the Tower of Pisa lean? It got italicized!

Travel

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Indoor Voice, Failing

Nobody works harder than a drunk person trying to carefully whisper a secret.

Drinking Party

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Bird Brain Tragedy

I had a parrot and it could talk. But it didn't say it was hungry, so it died.

Parrot Bird Pet+1

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Results May Vary

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.

Diet Drinking Weekend+1

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Ask The Cashier

Why do you need a driver license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Drinking Driving Rules

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League Night Priorities

My drinking team has a bowling problem.

Drinking

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Linguistics, Roughly

I just found out that 'nothing' is a palindrome… Backwards it's 'gnithon,' which also means nothing.

Language Words Grammar

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