BROWSE DAD JOKES

904 jokes and counting — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Civics For Tired People

Direct democracy is when everyone votes on everything except whether they want to keep voting on everything.

Politics Government

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Recliner Doctrine

If you enjoyed the time you wasted, then it wasn’t wasted time.

Time Philosophy Work

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Cosmic Pen Pals

Dear Religion, Pics or it didn’t happen... Sincerely, Science

Religion Science Philosophy+1

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Setup To Sucker Punch

What’s ET short for? Because he’s got little legs.

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Stomp the Vintage

What did the grape do when the elephant stepped on it? Nothing, it just gave a little wine.

Elephant Wine Fruit

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Three A.M. Theology

Am I part of Dog's Plan? The dyslexic-agnostic insomniac stays awake at night wondering if there is a dog!

Wordplay Philosophy

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Refused at the Bar

Hey, we don't serve your kind here. WHY? I'm a fun guy!

Mushroom Bar Fungi+1

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Two Guys and a Trout

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to grab the bulb, and another to hold the fish.

Lightbulb Fish Art+1

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Breakfast Has Opinions

Wow, it's hot in here! AHH! A talking sausage!

Grill Talking Food

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Stolen Material

There were two cows in a field. One said 'Moo'. The other: 'I was going to say that!'

Cows Cattle Silly

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Pep Talk From the Recliner

DON'T LET THE HARD DAYS WIN!

Motivation Grit Resilience+2

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Australian Engineering

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick

Deadpan Silly

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Pasture Tech Support

Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don’t work

Cows Cattle Farm

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Bedside Manner Needs Work

You're in excellent health. You'll live to be 90. But, Doctor, I am 90! That's it then...

Doctor Health Aging+1

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Therapy For The Fixture

How many psychiatrists are needed to change a light bulb? Just one, but the light bulb must truly want to change.

Therapy Lightbulb Mindset

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Gravity Always Wins

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead.

Absurd Deadpan Grandfather

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Marge Knows Value

Marge called the newspaper for an obituary. Marge: Print this: Bernie is dead. Clerk: For 25$, you can use six words. Marge: OK. Print: Bernie is dead. Toyota for sale.

Money

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Trim For The Flock

Where do sheep get their haircut? At the Bah-Bah-Shop.

Haircut Pun Silly

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Apex Trivia Hour

What do an eagle and a lion have in common? They both have wings, except for the lion.

Animals Trivia Absurd

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Inventory Check

Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from? Must've come from your mom. I've still got mine.

Intelligence Father Son+2

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Pulp Fiction

Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory? Because he couldn't concentrate.

Orange Work Job

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Beakless In Concert

What do you call a woodpecker without a beak? A head banger.

Bird Music Absurd

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Tuxedo Soup

What is gray? A melted penguin!

Penguin Bird Absurd+1

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Picking The Fight

Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.

Pig Argument Wisdom+2

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