BROWSE DAD JOKES

904 jokes and counting — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Cliff Notes From Dad

You have two lives. The second starts when you realize you have only one.

Life Wisdom Grandfather+1

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Recliner Confessions

I never understood the true meaning of happiness until I got married... But by then, it was already too late.

Marriage Wife Happiness+1

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Brain On, Hands Off

I think, therefore I can't get anything done.

Thinking Procrastination Work

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Produce Aisle Headliner

I'm not just any fruit! I'm a berry special strawberry!

Fruit

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The Tape Never Lies

Dear Alcohol, we had a deal—funnier, smarter, better dancer. I saw the video. We need to talk.

Alcohol Drinking Dancing+1

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Forward Gear Only

It's useless to undo a mistake. Focus on making new ones.

Mistakes Regret Life+1

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Reconnaissance, Romantically

I'm not a stalker, I'm just an unpaid private investigator.

Dating Romance Detective

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Estate Planning, Loosely

If I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, I may live long enough to be a real burden to my loved ones. Please, pass me the wine.

Wine Drinking Aging+1

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Math Class Flashbacks

I heard you're good at algebra. Can you replace my X without asking Y?

Math School Equation

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Definitions May Vary

"Clean and sober" simply means I've showered and I'm headed to the pub.

Drinking

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Backyard Logic

Carrot is orange but orange is not carrot.

Orange Logic Vegetables+1

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Field Research

A laundromat is a poor place to pick up a woman. If she can't afford a washing machine, she probably won't be able to support you either.

Dating Women Relationships+1

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Symptom Report

That little tingle you feel when you love someone? That’s just your common sense slipping away. 😅❤️

Love Romance Feelings+2

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Resolution Failure

What happened to the man who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year? He gave up thinking!

Drinking Thinking Alcohol

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Reservation Confirmed

Relationship Status: Table for one but drinks for two.

Dating Drinks Relationship

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House Rules Apply

If I wanted your opinion, I would give it to you.

Opinion Sarcasm Family+1

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Generous Donor

I plan to donate my liver to an alcoholic so I’ll know it’s a match.

Alcohol Drinking Health

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Repeat Experiment

Alcohol won't heal a broken heart but that won't stop me from trying again tonight.

Alcohol Drinking Relationships+1

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Aging Like A Box

Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.

Wine Aging Drinking

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Free Family Planning Tip

Learn from your parent's mistakes. Use birth control.

Parents Kids Family+2

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Climate Control Issues

My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she’s hot. But honestly... I’m not a fan.

Wife Marriage Relationship

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Page Turner Of The Year

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

Book Reading Science+1

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Hanky Panky On The Floor

How do you make a tissue dance?.. Put a little boogie in it.

Music

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Spotted In The Wild

Ho! Look! There’s a fungus amungus!!

Mushroom Nature Yard

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