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Dad Jokes

Certified groan material

BROWSE DAD JOKES

904 jokes and counting β€” enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

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Dental Plan B

Dental Plan B

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick!

TeethDentistHealth
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Slice Of Wisdom

Slice Of Wisdom

Don't bite off more than you can chew unless it's pizza.

PizzaFoodAdvice+1
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Commuter Carp

Commuter Carp

A fish may love water, but it still needs a bicycle to ride to work.

FishBicycleWork+2
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In Seine Behavior

In Seine Behavior

If you jumped off a bridge in Paris, you'd be insane.

GeographyRiver
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Read Theory Get Burned

Read Theory Get Burned

Your mama is so classless, she could be a Marxist Utopia.

PoliticsRoast
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Garage Sale Confidential

Garage Sale Confidential

I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. All it was doing was gathering dust.

Household
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Wheels Of Time

Wheels Of Time

Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.

CheeseAgeAging+2
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Belly Of The Law

Belly Of The Law

What did the police say to his hungry stomach? Freeze! You're under a vest!

PoliceStomachCop
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Cautionary Tale Material

Cautionary Tale Material

It could be that your purpose is to serve as a warning for others.

Life
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Ink Has An Expiration Date

Ink Has An Expiration Date

Every tattoo is temporary because we are all slowly dying.

MortalityLifeBody
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One-Take Hobbies

One-Take Hobbies

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

SkydivingSuccessFailure
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Sleeping Like A Saint

Sleeping Like A Saint

A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.

MemoryWisdomAging
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Bigger Things Going On

Bigger Things Going On

I cannot afford to waste my time making money.

MoneyTimeWork+1
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The Reset Button

The Reset Button

Life always offers you a second chance. It's called TOMORROW.

TomorrowLifeWisdom+1
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Management By Recliner

Management By Recliner

Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do what you want done because he wants to do it.

LeadershipManagementWork+1
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Efficiency Goals

Efficiency Goals

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so I could slap eight people at once.

Frustration
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Minimum Viable Effort

Minimum Viable Effort

My goal for the weekend is to move just enough so people don't think I'm dead.

WeekendRestLazy
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Layered Heartbreak

Layered Heartbreak

My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.

MoneyExpensive
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Forecast: Improving

Forecast: Improving

Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.

PeopleAttitudeMood
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Thermostat Wars

Thermostat Wars

If you're hotter than me… then it means I'm cooler than you.

Insult
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Caught You Skimming

Caught You Skimming

Lazy people fact #875437255. You were too lazy to read that number.

LazyLazinessReading+2
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