BROWSE DAD JOKES

904 jokes and counting — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Loophole Located

If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?

Fridge Food Kitchen

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Eight Legs On The Loose

Seeing spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears.

Fear House

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Socrates In Slippers

I know I am intelligent because I know that I know nothing.

Intelligence Wisdom Philosophy+2

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Consulting The Specialist

Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.

Talking Self Advice

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Math Checks Out

I could agree with you but then we would both be wrong.

Argument Opinion Conversation

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Tone Of Voice

I'm not arguing, I'm just telling you why you are wrong.

Argument Stubborn

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Heart Needs a Chaperone

Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along.

Heart Brain Wisdom+2

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The Hopeful Investor

Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.

Math Money Finance

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Productivity Tip

The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go back to sleep.

Dreams Sleep Future+1

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Nutritionally Symmetrical

A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

Diet Food Balance+1

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Cleared for Landing

A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.

Mind Parachute Ideas+1

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Winging It

I don’t know how to act my age because I’ve never been this old before.

Age Aging Old+2

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Operator Error

When life closes a door, just open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.

Persistence Life Motivation

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Say Yes First

When you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, ‘Certainly I can!’ Then get busy and find out how to do it.

Job Work Career+2

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The Secret Ratio

Confidence is 10% hard work and 90% delusion.

Confidence Work Success

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Detour Ahead

The road to success is always under construction.

Success Road Construction+2

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The Whole Trick

Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it.

Work Career Advice+1

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Right Past My Ear

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make when they fly by...

Work Procrastination Time+1

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Pumping Iron, Loosely

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Gym Fitness Snacks+1

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Calendar Math

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Life Time Wisdom

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Tiny But Mighty

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.

Sleep Insects

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Domestic Diplomacy

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

Marriage Wife Love+1

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Smart Money Stays Home

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

Aliens Space Intelligence

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Look At You Now

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Worry Tomorrow Anxiety+1

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