BROWSE DAD JOKES

904 jokes and counting — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Wired The Wrong Way

People are shocked at how bad I am as an electrician.

Work Job

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Planetary Customer Service

The rotation of Earth really made my day.

Science

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Garnish Philosophy

I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of Tequila.

Life Drinking

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Verdict Pending Forever

I used to think I was indecisive. But now, I'm not sure…

Indecision Thinking Life

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Question Asked And Closed

Don't you hate it when someone answers his own questions? I do.

Questions Conversation Talking

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Loophole In Human Nature

Always borrow money from a pessimist. They'll never expect it back.

Money Finance Attitude

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Mind Your Own Asylum

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Insanity Mental Mind+1

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Faith Has No Margins

Atheism is a Non Prophet Organization.

Religion Business Money

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Bedside Manner Optional

Doctor, an invisible patient is on line one. Tell him I can't see him right now.

Doctor Office

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Selective Hearing Hall Of Fame

My wife complains I don't listen… or something like that.

Wife Marriage Listening+2

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Concussed By Literature

A book fell on my head the other day. I only have my shelf to blame though.

Book Blame Reading

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Negatives And Positives

Are people born with photographic memories, or does it take time to develop?

Memory Brain Time

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Three Was Never Coming

Uno... Dos... POUF! The Mexican magician disappeared without a trace!

Counting

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Throw The Diction Book

The world champion tongue twister got arrested. I heard they’ll give him a tough sentence.

Speech

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Hop In A Tow Zone

What happens to an illegally parked frog? It gets toad away!

Parking Animal

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Off Beat And Loving It

Why aren't dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet.

Dancing Feet Animals

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Composer Problems

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chicken? All they said was 'Bach, Bach, Bach, …'

Chicken Music

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Familiar Stranger

An amnesiac walks into a bar. "So do I come here often?"

Bar Memory Drinking

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The Loud Key

CAPS LOCK, preventing login since 1980.

Keyboard Computer Login+2

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Silicon Confidence

Computers make very very fast, very accurate mistakes.

Computers Technology Mistakes+2

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Numbers Lie Wet

Heard about the statistician who drowned in a river? It was only three feet deep on average.

Statistics Math River

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Password Hostage

Enter an 11-digit prime number to continue.

Password Math Login+1

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Ancient Wisdom Updated

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Fishing Beer Wisdom+1

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North Pole Financing

How much Santa paid for his sleigh? Nothing, it was on the house.

Christmas Money Gift

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