Meditative Advice
You should try meditation. It's at least better than sitting and doing nothing?
Mental HealthWellnessLifestyle+2
BROWSE DAD JOKES
150 jokes and counting β enough to last a lifetime of car rides.
AllWordplaySarcasmRelationshipsFoodIronyPhilosophyLifeAnimalsTechnologyCommunicationMarriageMoneyMotivationDrinksSatireHealthWorkDark HumorLifestyleIntelligence
Timekeeping Insect
What kind of bug tells time? A clock Roach
InsectsTimeWordplay+1
AI Contrast
What's the opposite of Artificial Intelligence? Natural stupidity.
TechnologyIntelligence
Sailor's Alphabet
Why couldn't the bad sailor learn the alphabet. Because he always got lost at 'C'.
OceanLanguageSchool+1
Monkey Diet
A new study found that human eat more bananas than Monkeys. It's true, I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
SatireWordplayMisdirection+2
Chicken Fare
I asked the waiter how they prepared their Chicken. "Nothing special," he explained. "We just tell them they're going to die."
RestaurantFarmDeath+1
Utopian Joke
Your mama is so classless, she could be a Marxist Utopia.
PoliticsSatireInsult+1
Procrastination Advice
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
ProcrastinationIronySatire+2
Tomorrow's Chance
Life always offers you a second chance. It's called TOMORROW.
LifeMotivationFuture+1
Fridge Light
If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?
FoodNightLight+1
Solo Consultation
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
Self-DeprecatingIronySarcasm+2
Debate Clarification
I'm not arguing, I'm just telling you why you are wrong.
SarcasmCommunicationRelationships+2
Heart and Brain
Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along.
AdvicePhilosophySarcasm+2
Thought Dive
A mind is like a parachute. It doesnβt work if it is not open.
IntelligencePhilosophyPsychology+2
Cosmic Cold Shoulder
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
SpaceAliensIntelligence+1
Clockwise Concern
Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
MotivationPhilosophyLife+2
Laughter on the Sidewalk
Everything is funny, as long as itβs happening to somebody else!
IronyObservationalSarcasm
Errand Escapade
I'm at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out...
AgeLifestyleAdulting+2
Eternal Tease
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
MarriageRelationshipsSarcasm+2
Correction Years
Husband: For the last 28 years, all you've done is find mistakes in anything I say. Wife: 29 years...
WordplayMarriageRelationships+2
Agreement Strategy
How is arguing with a woman like reading a software license agreement? In the end you ignore it all and click 'I agree'.
WordplayRelationshipsArguments+2
Reading Disconnect
You can't get on the same page if you don't read the same book.
BooksWordplayCommunication+1
Stock Market Crash
A stock market crash is worse than a divorce. You lose half your money but your wife is still around.
MoneyWordplayMarriage+2
Barbecue Bandit
Never trust a dog to watch your food.
WordplayDogsPets+2