BROWSE DAD JOKES

904 jokes and counting — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Legally Speechless

If you arrest a mime, do you have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Police

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Last Call Logistics

What do you call a guy who's have too much to drink? A cab.

Drinking Wedding Alcohol+1

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Followed The Instructions

The box said 'Windows 10 or better'. So, I installed Linux.

Linux Windows Computers+1

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The Office Battery

Programmers: tools for converting caffeine into code.

Coding Caffeine Coffee

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Royal Cut Of Meat

What do you call a steak that's kinighted by the Queen? Sir Loin.

Steak Grill

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Produce Aisle Wisdom

Is it true an apple a day keeps the doctor away? Or is it just an old Granny's myth?

Doctor Health Fruit

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Standard Operating Procedure

To err is human and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

Computer Blame Mistakes+2

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Same Guy Slower Clock

They used to time me with a stopwatch. Now, they use a calendar.

Aging Slow Time+2

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Seasonal Material

I would tell you my Autumn joke but you probably wouldn't fall for it.

Seasons Yard

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Grocery Aisle Confession

What did the vegan say? I made a big missed steak.

Steak Food Diet

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Open Tab Forever

Dad, how much it costs to get married? No idea, I'm still paying.

Marriage Money Wedding+2

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Breakfast Plate Economics

Ham & Eggs, a day's work for a chicken and a lifetime commitment for a pig.

Breakfast Chicken Pig+2

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Quit Before They Knew

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Money Finance Career+1

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Pocket Change Apocalypse

Breaking news: there's a global coin shortage! We're all running low on common "cents"!

Money Economy

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Backyard Medicine

Smoking will kill you... Bacon will kill you… But… Smoking bacon will cure you!

Grill Health

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Cramped Genius

Claustrophobic people are more productive when they are thinking out of the box.

Work Thinking Ideas

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Second Opinion

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind.

Brain Mind Stubborn

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Closet Diplomacy

My wife is always stealing my T-shirts and sweater… but if I take one of her dresses… suddenly… "we need to talk."

Wife Marriage Clothes

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Spotless Means Trouble

A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.

House Computer Procrastination+1

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Kettle Eulogy

R.I.P. boiled water, you will be mist.

Water Death

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Recliner Hall Of Fame

People used to laugh when I would say I want to be a comedian. Well, nobody is laughing now!

Dreams Career Persistence

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Audit Failed

This sentence contains exactlly three erors.

Spelling Grammar Mistakes

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Glow-In-The-Dark Tabby

I saw a radioactive cat. It's got eighteen halflives.

Cat Science Physics

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Bugs Bunny Was Right

How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?

Vegetables Health

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