BROWSE DAD JOKES

904 jokes and counting — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Barnyard Acoustics

What do you get when you mix brown chicken & brown cow? A brown chicka brown cow? Bow-chicka-wow-wow.

Chicken Cow Animals

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No Standing Ovation

Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands? Because they are extinct!

Dinosaurs Animals Prehistoric

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Mirror Talk Only

If you don't like me, that's fine. I don't start my day trying to impress you.

Confidence Attitude Mindset

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Kitchen Identity Crisis

If a chef makes a chef salad, who makes tuna salad???

Salad Food Cooking

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Saturday Night Calculus

What do you say to a mathematician on a Saturday night? Don't drink and derive.

Math Weekend

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Bumper Sticker Wisdom

Understand, don't memorize! Principles not Formulas!

Wisdom Learning Advice+1

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Two Acts Begin Late

Everyone has two lives, and the second starts when you realize you have just one...

Life Philosophy Wisdom+1

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No Erasers In Battle

Why don’t samurai ever use pencils? Because they’d rather draw their swords.

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Forgetful Little Fliers

Why do birds sing and hummingbirds hum? Hummingbirds don't know the words.

Birds Singing Nature

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Heartbreak Herb

What's green and sings with a soulful voice? Elvis Parsley!

Music Singing

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Undo Button Not Included

The toughest thing about being human? Realizing you have no 'Ctrl+Z' for life's mistakes

Mistakes Regret Computer+1

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Fast Lane Is Relative

What did the snail say while riding on the turtle’s back? WOOHOO!!

Speed Animals Slow

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Punch In, Peck Out

Why are chickens considered good employees? Because they work around the cluck.

Work Job Clock

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Search Party Of One

Are you sure you lost your keys here? No, but the light’s better here!

Keys Logic Lost

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Specialty Of The House

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup! Impossible! We used them all in the raisin bread...

Restaurant

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Banned From The Shoreline

Why aren’t elephants allowed on the beach? They just can’t keep their trunks up!

Beach Animals

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Produce And Poultry

What do an orange and a parrot have in common? Neither of them can drive a tractor.

Orange Parrot Farm+1

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Bathroom Conspiracy

What's the number one cause of dry skin? Towels!

Bathroom Observation

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Premium Acoustic Insulation

A couple is touring a house with a realtor... The house is great, but is the neighborhood quiet? Absolutely. There have been six murders and seven robberies and no one heard a thing.

House Sales

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No Committee Required

How many pragmatists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one.

Lightbulb Work

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Working Just Fine

Wow, this new hearing aid I got is amazing! I can hear everything! That's fantastic! What kind is it? Oh... It's about 2:15.

Hearing Time Misunderstanding

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Required Reading, Optional Listening

1984 was not meant to be an instruction manual

Book Politics

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Cushioned Quarterly Report

How’s the new furniture store doing? Sofa, so good!

Business Money

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Pavement Patron

A guy walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm. I'll have a pint, and one for the road!

Bar Road Drinking+1

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