BROWSE DAD JOKES

904 jokes and counting — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Wrong Red Suit

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He accidentally sold his soul to Santa!

Absurd

🙄0😂0

Damp Basement Confidence

I’m a fungi you can count on

Mushroom Fungi Nature+1

🙄0😂0

Memory Like a Sieve

I have all your passwords! OMG THANK YOU! WHAT ARE THEY?

Passwords Memory Security

🙄0😂0

NASA Saw This Coming

THE DINOSAURS BECAME EXTINCT BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T HAVE A SPACE PROGRAM

Dinosaurs Space

🙄0😂0

Saving The Planet Twice

I remember when paper bags were blamed for tree loss, and plastic bags were the solution!

🙄0😂0

Backstroke Champion

Why do squirrels swim on their backs? To keep their nuts dry!

Animals Nature

🙄0😂0

Lake Intellectual

What do you call a fish with no brains? A dumb bass!

Fish Brains Fishing+1

🙄0😂0

Underwater Sizing Chart

Why do mermaids wear seashells? Because B-shells were too small!

Ocean Alphabet

🙄0😂0

Class Of Tin Cans

You know why bass are so stupid? Because they swim alone, unlike sardines who always go to school!

School Fish Education

🙄0😂0

Kickstand Was Optional

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired

Bicycle Exhausted

🙄0😂0

Battery At Eleven Percent

I’m totally an introvert... until I’m not! It’s not that I’m scared of people! I’m just selectively extroverted!

People

🙄0😂0

Fire Marshal Approved

Once you reach a venerable age... You just need 1 candle on your cake for one more year on Earth!

Birthday Aging Candles+1

🙄0😂0

Opposites Distract

My parents were total opposites... Mum was always right, and Dad just left.

Parents Divorce Dad+1

🙄0😂0

Optimus Premium

Do Transformers need car insurance or life insurance?

Cars Money

🙄0😂0

Once Upon a Stretch

Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon

Books

🙄0😂0

Step One Acquired

I'm proud to announce that I've completed the first item on my bucket list: I have the bucket.

Goals Success

🙄0😂0

Aged To Excellence

I procrastinate so that by the time I get to my tasks, I’ll be older and wiser.

Procrastination Wisdom Lazy+1

🙄0😂0

Sky Save Required

Been waiting for the asteroid all day... just to get out of preparing that Monday morning team briefing.

Monday Work Office

🙄0😂0

Drawer Security Protocol

Think of your passwords like your underwear: never share them, change them regularly, and keep them off your desk.

Passwords Security Computers+1

🙄0😂0

Roast In Two Senses

I like my coffee like I like my jokes... brewed to perfection and a little bit dark!

Coffee Jokes Humor+1

🙄0😂0

Letter Goes Boom

How to make the number one vanish? Just add a 'G' and it's gone!

Numbers Letters Math+2

🙄0😂0

Calendar Has Other Ideas

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She said: "Great, I booked it for Thursday."

Wife Marriage Death

🙄0😂0

Spend It Anyway

Time is the one currency you can't see your balance for. Use it wisely.

Time Balance Life+1

🙄0😂0

Castle Nightlife

Where did everyone go to party in medieval times? The Knight Club

Party History

🙄0😂0