BROWSE DAD JOKES

904 jokes and counting — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

The Bird Got Robbed

If you ask me, getting up early isn’t worth it... if all you get is a worm!

Morning Work Motivation

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Trespassers Inbound

I can’t believe viruses and bacteria just sneak in my body without asking. That makes me sick!

Sick Health Body

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Botany at the Buffet

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad!

Tomato Fruit Salad+2

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Public Service Grammar

For those struggling to learn English... Remember: Don't = Do Not, Won't = Wo Not. You're welcome.

English Grammar Language+1

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Off-Label Pet Care

Your vet might not mention this, But if your Dog has a fever, grab some mustard from the store. It's the Best thing for a hot Dog!

Dog Pets Money

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Recursive Family Meeting

Is it weird how saying sentences backwards creates backwards sentences saying how weird it is?

Backwards Language Words

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Bakery Surprise

Wow, it’s really hot in here! Whoa! A talking muffin?

Talking Food

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Spreadsheet Self-Help

If you improve just 1% daily, compound growth will make you 37 times better by year's end.

Growth Success Habits

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Almost Named It Something Else

The guy who invented the umbrella was originally going to call it BRELLA But he hesitated...

Invention History

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Knees Don't Vote

Just enjoy life... You'll never be this young again!

Youth Life Aging+2

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The Mythical Monday

How to stay poor. I'll start tomorrow

Procrastination Money Laziness+1

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Math Class Classic

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7-8-9

Math Numbers School+2

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The Long Word Defense

arachibutyrophobia noun | \ ə-ˌra-ki-ˌbyü-tē-rō-ˈfō-bē-ə \ An irrational or excessive fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of one's mouth. Derived from Greek arachis (peanut) and butyrum (butter), combined with -phobia (fear).

Phobia Vocabulary

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Pearly Gates Tap List

I asked if heaven has Beer... they said: No, it's more of a Spirit Place!

Beer Religion

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Compound Lawn Theory

37 times better after 1 year 1% daily growth

Growth Math Discipline+2

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Heroic Until The Sink

When a man says he'll do anything for a woman, he means fight bad guys and kill dragons, not vacuum or wash dishes.

Marriage Men Relationships

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Chairside Comedy Hour

What time is the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty!

Dentist Teeth Appointment+2

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Caped Crusader Order

Why does Batman like Hawaiian pizza? Because it got ham.

Pizza Food

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Spotted the Rubber Tail

I can always tell when they use fake dinosaurs in movies.

Dinosaurs Movies

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Tech Support, Furious

I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button BUT I'm still at work.

Phone Work Office+2

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Long Range Forecast

Insomnia is great... only three more sleeps until Christmas. And it is still September!

Insomnia Sleep Christmas

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The Block Party Special

Nothing brings neighbors together quite like cop cars parked outside a different neighbor's house.

Neighbors Police Gossip

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Zoning Permit Pending

To start a zoo you need at least 2 pandas, a grizzly, and a polar. It's the bear minimum.

Animals

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Seafood And Transit

What's the difference between a lobster with big breasts and a dirty bus stop? One's a Crusty Bus Station... The other's a Busty Crustacean!

Riddle

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