BROWSE DAD JOKES

904 jokes and counting — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Now Showing At Kraft

Have you seen the new movie on shredded cheese? Grate Expectations Directed by Mozzarella Scorsqueaky It's Grated

Cheese Movies Puns

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Eleven Letters Of Doubt

I just came across the same crossword clue for an 11-letter word in two newspapers. Coincidence?

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Microscopic Liars Inc

Why shouldn't you trust atoms? Because they literally make up everything!

Science Chemistry Physics+1

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Royal Amphibian Trivia

What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common? Same middle name

History Trivia

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Catch The Posy, Kiddo

AT MY FUNERAL, SOMEONE SHOULD TAKE THE BOUQUET OFF MY CASKET AND THROW IT IN THE CROWD TO SEE WHO IS NEXT.

Wedding

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On Track, Technically

Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet! As long as I don't eat anything else today and tomorrow.

Diet Food Eating+1

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Roman Holiday, Cheap

WHAT DID SPARTACUS SAY WHEN THE LION ATE HIS WIFE? NOTHING! HE WAS GLADIATOR...

Wife

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Spectacles For The Math

PRO TIP: Always wear glasses when doing math. They really help with Division!

Glasses Math School+1

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Lunch Ran Long

I ate a clock the other day. It was very time consuming.

Clock Time Eating+2

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Anchors Up, Pension Down

What did the retired sailor say? Long time, no sea

Retirement Ocean

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Premium Fuel, Premium You

Most expensive vehicle to operate in 2024-2025

Car Kids Money+1

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Lab Coats, Loud Mouths

Scientists have developed artificial vocal cords, and let me tell you, the results speak for themselves.

Science Scientists Invention+1

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Brass At Breakfast

What's the loudest pet? A trumpet!

Pet Music Loud+1

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Apex Predator, Inner Peace

I taught a wolf to meditate. Now he's aware wolf.

Animals

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Dried Goods Activism

I keep telling people about the benefits of dried grapes... It's all about raisin awareness!

Awareness Fruit Snacks

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Tropical Geopolitics

What's an atomic bomb called in Hawaii? A "nukulele"!

Music

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Hardcover Edition

My past defines my present... Not my future! I am the author of my life!

Self Future Past+2

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Geography With Attitude

Which ocean is the most clearly defined? The Specific Ocean.

Ocean Geography Water

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Author On Ice

I wrote a book on penguins. Honestly, it would have been much easier if I wrote it on paper.

Book Writing Animals

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Reading Is Optional

Describe yourself with one word... bad at following very simple instructions.

Rules Self

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Haunted Produce Aisle

What's a ghost's favorite fruit? Boo-berries!

Ghost Fruit Halloween+1

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Tummy Trouble Tribunal

Why is proving food poisoning so tough? Because you just can't come up with any solid evidence.

Food Stomach Cooking

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Promotion Earned

I used to like regular jokes, but now I like only dad jokes! I'm a groan man now!

Dad Jokes Humor+1

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Lease Signed Sealed

I paid the rent... now I've got a place to starve to death...

Money Budget

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