BROWSE DAD JOKES

904 jokes and counting — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Backwards Like My Tax Forms

wHEN CAPS LOCK IS ON AND YOU HOLD SHIFT ON THE FIRST LETTER

Keyboard Computer Technology

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Bigger Trunk Required

I found a car that could fit a whole family without any problems. The problem is... my family has plenty.

Family Car Relatable

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Vintage Beverage Service

The coffee shop had a sign that said 'No WiFi, Pretend it's 1977!' So, I paid 10¢ for coffee and lit a cigarette.

Coffee Nostalgia

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Family Business, Roughly

I am a professional Dad. I come from a long line of Dads.

Dad Family Fatherhood

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Spelling Optional

Barely... I meant barley!!! I am barely alive... Guess I'm just brewing through life... Cheers to survival, one beer at a time!

Beer Typo Relatable+1

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Down Under Paperwork

When I was applying for Australian citizenship... The officer asked: 'Do you have a criminal record?' Is it still required?

Travel

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Margin Of Error

After many years, I finally got my wife to be on time. But there's one little problem: now she's ready exactly when we're supposed to arrive, not when we're supposed to leave!

Wife Punctuality Marriage+2

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Maritime Correspondence

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Riddle Alphabet

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Reanimated Romance

I dated a zombie once. When we broke up, she fell apart.

Zombie Dating Relationship

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Demolition Debut

Just finished my first day as a wrecking ball operator... And let's just say I absolutely smashed it!

Construction Job Work

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Joint Venture

A burglar broke into my house looking for money. I got up and started looking with him.

Money House

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Brining Down The House

Cooking this weekend? Don't forget the pickle... it's kind of a big dill.

Cooking Food Weekend+1

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Letter Never Mailed

Dear Self, just give me time... I'm going to make you proud!

Self Time Ambition+2

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Inbox Of The Enlightened

Can Zen masters send emails? Yes, but no attachment.

Technology

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Apology With Footnotes

My wife apologised to me the other day. She said she was sorry for ever marrying me.

Wife Marriage Apology+2

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Math Lost In Translation

I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81. He said no.

Math Language Numbers

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Reading For Results

I found a book called 'How to solve 50% of your problems'. So I bought 2 of them.

Book Math Reading+1

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Sunday School Special

Where did Noah keep his bees? In the ark hives.

Bees Animals

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Tabloid Of The Year

Did you hear about the dwarf psychic that escaped from jail? He was a small medium at large.

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Stonecutter Had One Job

What do you call a typo on a headstone? A grave mistake.

Typo Death

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Off The Grid

At one point, I was so broke I couldn’t pay my electric bill... truly the darkest days of my life.

Bill Money Power

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Calendar Math

What’s way worse than Friday the 13th? Monday the whatever.

Monday Calendar Work+1

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Proven Search Method

Lost your keys? Why not try looking in the same two places repeatedly whilst getting increasingly angrier.

Keys Lost Frustration

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Festive Appliance Romance

I know it's October but I have already ordered my wife a new fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

Fridge Christmas Wife+2

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